Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/whatchamacallit

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edit whatchamacallit

I am submitting this for the second, but certainly not last, time. You just watch, one day I'll get something on VFH, HAhahahahahahah! The.original.joe.shmoe blahSelfportraitMUN oxygen!! 18:04, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 7 Okay, introduction is okay, because it's being very obscure, that got a smile out of me. But the humor kind of stops there. Use more pronouns and obscure references, and less links to Your mom and less random sentences about zombies.

You've got something going with some of the jokes that are on this page, but the delivery of the jokes needs work. Some more formatting could probably help out with this.

So, as far as humor goes, there's nothing in here that would make me wince, but nothing tha twould make me laugh, either. Be more consistent with the obscurity. References to That guy, This Guy, and Anonymous are all welcome. And nix the Zombie reference. It 's just random. Maybe something like, "Whatsisfaysse would be spinning in his grave, if it were possible for dead people to spin in graves." Less is more.

Concept: 4 It's not ready! It's way too short to be VFH, and several of the sections on the page could be expanded. It needs more work as a total, but you've got something that could be VFH in the future, if you keep working on it.

I see potential, but the lack of humor, the formatting, and certain issues keep that potential hidden.

Prose and formatting: 6 Something about the prose makes it hard to understand. I think you should capitalize Whatchamacallit as a brand name rather than a regular noun.

Also, the article in general needs more formatting, such as lists, bolds, and italics, just make the article more attractive in general. The article is actually not that badly written, but the random words (Thingamajig, Whatchamacallit, Doohickey) make it look like it's a lot less intelligent than it actually could be.

Images: 5 The whole point of the Whatchamacallit is that it is vague. So having a picture of the whatchamacallit ddetracts from this value. And none of them are particularly funny. So the images need more work in general, and perhaps more of them.
Miscellaneous: 5.5 Average of all the scores.
Final Score: 27.5 Good Idea, but the execution needs work. It's not finished, not even. Add more content, and make the content that you have funnier, and you'll have an awesome article on your hands.
Reviewer: MaxPayne 02:46, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
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