Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/what you don't know about Mario & Luigi (quick)
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Magic man 12:50, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
|Fear Not! John Lydon|
is here to Pee all over you!
I'm on it. --—John Lydon 13:46, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||2||Let me start out by saying that the scores are not what’s important here, so just ignore them. The real focus here should be on making your article the best possible article you can. Some of this review may come across as harsh but I assure you, my only intent is to give you the best advice I can to make your article better. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything because that isn’t helpful to you as an author. That being said, let’s get down to business.
It’s pretty obvious that this article is in pretty rough shape due to the ICU tag that’s been placed on it. The very first thing I would recommend for you to do is to take a while to plan out exactly what the concept of your article is. After reading this article more than 15 times, I still don’t have a guess as to what it’s about. Take some time to study up on the Mario games and lay out exactly what you want to make fun of, and exactly how you plan to do it. For example, in one paragraph alone you state that Mario is a wimp, Donkey Kong is a Chihuahua, and Princess Peach is a whore. Taken individually, these are amusing statements. But they certainly don’t tie together and come off to the reader as completely random statements. I would recommend exploring each of these statements individually and fleshing them out. Explain to the reader why Mario is a wimp. Why do you claim Donkey Kong is a Chihuahua? Tying your jokes into reality is a surefire way to make them work. For instance, take a look at this article on Mario. Look at the 2nd section titled “Mario’s addiction problem”. Notice how the author takes a statement like “Mario has a drug addiction” which seems absurd on the surface and ties it in to reality to make it more believable for the reader.
The next thing I would recommend to you is to take a look at the HTBFANJS for some ideas on how to improve this article. The HTBFANJS has some excellent tips on writing a solid article and can really help new authors understand what passes for funny in this neck of the woods. After you’ve got a good grasp on what exactly the HTBFANJS is all about, go back through your own article. Be as critical as you possibly can be.
Finally, I would suggest taking a look at some of the Featured content. Read through a few of the featured articles and look at how they are put together. This is really a great way to get some solid ideas for your own article.
|Concept:||2||I’m not really sure what the concept of your article is, so it’s hard for me to judge this. I got the feeling that you were going for a behind the scenes type article about the Mario Bros. video games. If that’s the case, it’s an interesting idea. Mario, and video games in general have been done to death here on Uncyclopedia, but I don’t recall one that takes that kind of a spin on the whole thing. If done properly, it could really stand out from the others. Whatever the concept is, you need to make sure it’s painfully obvious to the reader. Any article that does not explain itself will not only get looked over by the reader, but more than likely end up getting huffed somewhere down the line.
As I touched on in the humor section, take some time to come up with exactly what you want to say. Maybe the whole idea behind your article is what Mario’s life is like when he’s not actually in the video game. Now, try to think of ways to expand on that central idea without totally going a different direction. For instance, what does Mario do in his free time? Who does he hang out with? Does he take vacations? This is the most critical step in the writing process. It keeps the article on track and keeps the reader involved. A good way to get some ideas if you get stuck is to check out the Wikipedia article on Mario. Look at what subjects they ouch on and see if you can spin any of those into humor. Another suggestion would be to look at some Wikipedia articles on real famous people to see what subjects they touch on. Then try to write something similar about Mario. The idea of a behind the story article on Mario has a ton of possibilities, you just need to make sure you lay them out clearly for the reader.
|Prose and formatting:||1||In my opinion, this was the biggest flaw of your entire article. I won’t bother touching on length because I’m sure you already know it’s far too short. Your sections seem to start at random and don’t tie together at all. For instance, your first paragraph ends with the sentence, “& they lived happily ever after.... until the very next day.” Nothing wrong with that, but your next section begins with this line; “Before I can tell you about the very next day, here's what i didn't tell you:” As a reader, I took that as the author saying, before we can move on to section two, let me go back and talk some more about section one.
The next thing I want to harp on is spelling and grammer. They were both really bad throughout the entire article. Fortunately, there are people on Uncyclopedia that dedicate their entire lives to assisitng with those kinds of problems. So, if your not the best speller in the world, just have the Uncyclopedia:Proofreading Service take a look at it for you. The final issue is the fact that this article is what we would call a “dead end article”. That means there are no links anywhere. If you are unsure how to make links, you can check this out or simply ask a more experienced user to help you out.
|Images:||3||You only have two images here, which works for the length of this article. I would think that you will need to lengthen the article to get it out of ICU though, so more images will be needed later. The image of Princess Peach with Sonic is really good. It fit well with the narrative and is humorous on its own. The other image is where I have an issue. I got the feeling that the only reason Donkey Kong being a Chihuahua was mentioned is so you had an excuse to use this photo. I don’t know if that’s the real reason but that’s the impression I got as a reader. The image itself isn’t that funny and really has nothing to do with Mario at all. I would suggest removing this image altogether and replacing it with a more relevant image. Take your time when choosing images and be sure to stay away from trying to “force” an image in to the article like you did with the Chihuahua photo. The images should go along with the article, not the other way around.|
|Final Score:||10||As I said before, this article is going to take some work. If you truly want to save it, it will take some hard work on your part. If you’re willing to put in the effort, my suggestion would be to ask an admin to move this article to your user space so you can work on it as much as you want without fear of deletion. After you’ve got it moved to your user space, use this review, the HTBFANJS, and some of the featured articles as references on how to improve. Take your time and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you get stuck. Uncyclopedian’s are well known for their willingness to help each other. One of those misery loves company things I think. You can also drop me a line on my talk page if you need some help or some clarification on anything in this review.|
|Reviewer:||--—John Lydon 17:22, June 21, 2010 (UTC)|