Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/slow motion

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edit slow motion

pretty proud of this one, please don't make any changes just suggestions. Grazie, i appreciate it. PaddyAtkinson 00:37, 7 November 2008 (UTC)

PaddyAtkinson 00:37, 7 November 2008 (UTC)

OK, give me a while, I will take a look... MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 20:10, Nov 19

OK, this is my first pee review so I have no idea what to do with the pee table. My thoughts: Not too shabby/worthy of inclusion. Content Comments: Ted Nugent pic is non sequitur. The sports section needs a real sports wonk to milk the plethora of joke opportunities that the concept provides. As far as layout and design I'm still too noob to comment appropriately beyond: the pictures need to exist a little more peacefully with the content --DrStrange 20:41, 19 November 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 6 Hmm... Now, this I like. Actually, I really like that article... This one... Well, I guess I just don't get it? It's written in a totally different style, which is obviously fine, but I basically just read through without a smile. Sorry man, I'm lost here. I get that you have twisted the truth, as is required at Uncyc, but it's just not working for me.

In a few places you also descend into a bit of a rant. The bit about the conservatives was particularly obvious. Now you are allowed point of view on Uncyc, but for it to work as humour it's got to be well done. In a number of other places you also state you opinion about a few things saying that they sux etc, but that does not really appear to fit with the rest of the article. If you want to rant, do it in one of two ways... Either go totally over the top presenting the reader with the character of the author as being a crazy man, man... Or be very subtle and perhaps even deadpan with it. People will be turned off if they see your opinions through the article if it's not adding to the humour.

I think to make this funny you might have to go in a totally different direction. Maybe something along the lines of looking at famous slow motion clips...

As per my normal advice when I do a Pee Review, you can always improve an article by hacking bits out... Read back through and decide which are sections of the article are not so great, maybe there are too many "slow motions" and the bit about the conservatives surely needs to go. Be merciless always when you do this. Ignore how long it took you to write it, and seriously thing to yourself... "Is that funny?" you will know which bits you like the least. Chop em out, or make them a lot shorter. More is less. Um, no... Less is more? One of those two...

Concept: 6 A tricky subject to write an Uncyc article, about, but for me it's lacking. I guess I'm missing what exactly the concept here is...
Prose and formatting: 8 Excellent quality of writing, I could not see much wrong. Maybe one or two things could be re-worded to say the same thing, in a better way, but basically it's fine.
Images: 5.5 Again, I'm probably missing the point. The pics appear to accompany the article, but they are not adding anything to the humour (for me). You also need to work on your formatting... Having a picture either side of the text like you do some of the sections (on 1024*768 resolution) rarely works. Also, try to avoid having a lot of pics down the left hand side in a block. It pushes the text across and does not look great. I think can work well if you can figure out a way to have images alternately left to right, but failing that, images on the left are probably usually better.

Many of the images here appear to be saying the same lines really, and you can probably loose 1 or 2. This might make it look a bit nicer.

The problem I guess is that... Well, it's kinda hard to show slow motion action in a pic.

Miscellaneous: 6.4 {{Pee|6|6|8|5.5}}
Final Score: 31.9 It's a quality article in terms of the way it's produced, and generally looks and feels, but for me, and this is obviously only my opinion you forgot to add the humour I saw in this. That article was written in a zany, funny interesting style, and was spiced up with a number of interesting gags. I think you may have chosen a much more tricky subject to write about here, and I reckon you might be best leaving this one for a while, and concentration on something new. I know you are one seriously funny guy (NotM) but I think you are onto a hiding to nothing here... I suggest you strip out the ranty bits (they sux serious balls) then leave it as is, and move onto something new...

Sorry, if I totally missed the point here. It would not be the first time. Obviously get back to me about this if you want to, and I will help with it if I can... Sorry I could not be more help... I'm a bit lost with this one...

Reviewer: MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 20:40, Nov 19
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