Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/sitar

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edit sitar

Mammolastan 19:24, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Outhouse   Tagstit   doesn't believe in new fancy-pancy toilet systems with running water and all. Just a hole in the ground with a lil' cover will do. Now gimme' your article and I'll be done in a few minutes.

While you are welcome to review this, I suggest you find another article in need of help so that we can clear the ever growing Pee Request list.

  thanks dude
Humour: 4 Alright, not a bad first attempt but there are some glaring problems. First of all, your biggest problem is randomness. You need to come to understand the fine line between stupid randomness and funny randomness. With an article with a topic like this it may be hard, but that is for concept. Although random jokes about ninjas and pirates have made their way onto this site, these jokes often turn out weak and overall end up hurting your article. Also, Oscar Wilde is a bit overused and a quote here and there is fine, but it would be better to probably not include him in the body of your writing. For more help, consult HTBFANJS. There are many tips there and they would be sure to help you.
Concept: 4 This was a bit tough but the main problem stems around your lack of a solid base. In other words, its randomness, I think, is due to the lack of direction so to speak. Try to base your humor around a particular asect of the sitar. Is it unusual? is it the most amazing thing ever invented? or is it just a giant piece of crap that nobody really gives a shit about? The direction you take it doesn't have to be entirely valid but you need to at least take it a direction and stick to it. Write which direction your taking in the introduction, and go with it. This will also reduce randomness and improve humor. To be honest though, there are better things to make fun of than a sitar. Maybe scrapping this topic and coming up with a new one would help.
Prose and formatting: 4 This is very short. That is your main issue. You definitely need to add more to this and make it decent looking (short articles look horrible no matter what usually). Try to add more substance to this, and create a better picture for the reader so they know what your talking about. This is good material to build up your writings size. Also, you should defintely add a few more sections worth of information. Finally, there were no misspellings I found but a few grammatical errors that you should spellcheck.
Images: 3 There was one and it didn't render a laugh or add any humor value to this. It wasn't completely random and helped tell the story so it is decent. First, you need to add a few more pictures (even maybe one of a real satir) if you want the image score to do well. This will also improve the look and appeal of your artilce
Miscellaneous: 5 Averaged, plus one for new...I think ;)
Final Score: 20 Thats it, you need to improve the size, direction, and idea and your set. If you have any questions feel free to ask me on my talk page. Good luck!
Reviewer: --~SirTagstitVFHNotMPEEINGCPTRotMBFF 06:20, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

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