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This article basically writes itself. By that I mean, if anyone is bored enough, I invite them to add further bull-shit about Sham-wow throughout history...just leave the introductory paragraph alone is all I ask.
thxthxthx projectjulio 23:01, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
- Got it
projectjulio 23:01, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||Overall, the article has too much hyperbole, and needs a tone down. It should be in a bombastic tone, but its overdone, and the perspective is not consistent; it goes back and forth between praise and attacks (basically what I said in the concept section.)|
The article is so bombastic that the jokes tend need to ascend into "random" territory to rise above the background prose. If the background prose was more restrained (but don't overdo the tone down, this article's "base" should be bombastic praise), that wouldn't happen.
|Concept:||4.5||Subject matter choice is good; however, the take on it could use alot of work. Basically, it seems to meander between overly hyperbolic attacks and overly hyperbolic fake praise. This article can be bombastic, but you go way to far with it.|
Try to have the perspective be consistent. I would suggest that you put it the style Vince Offer's info-mercials, i.e. bombastic (but not absurdly hyperbolic) praise. That means try to avoid any outright blatant insults aimed at the Shamwow! Instead, insult it in a more sarcastic or underhanded way, maybe footnotes would be useful.
Also, try to avoid writing fake histories. Those tend to degenerate into "sagacruft", i.e. long drawn-out histories that nobody beside the author finds funny. You might want to avoid history altogether, unless the shamwow has some actual funny events in its history. Bringing in Nazi Germany for no reason is also quite cliche. There is the German link, but I'm not sure that justifies the swastika.
Don't be afraid to leave this as a short article. There really isn't that much to say about the subject, if you make it too long you run the risk of rambling and/or beating the joke to death. 6 kilobytes of length should be long enough for it to be safely beyond stub length.
|Prose and formatting:||5||It appears the writer does not how to format. However, the article almost cuts off mid way through. Generally, you shouldn't leave an article half finished like that. Also, asking for help (in the article) probably won't work, I'd suggest adding a see also section and leaving it as a finished short article. You could have "help" or "rewrite" template, but not text in the article.|
Also, you might want to remove the construction article. The article would be safely above VFD quality if you added an ending. The construction tag might make it actually more likely that the article will be deleted, as it will be checked by an admin if it is left unedited for 7 days.
|Images:||6.5||These are "original images", which is a plus. However, they are M.S. paint morphs and really don't work that well with the article. The images might be funny after a rewrite with different captions, but you'll at least need one milder pic for the header pic.|
|Final Score:||26||Good luck|
|Reviewer:||--Mnbvcxz 03:01, 19 January 2009 (UTC)|