Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/lower case
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I created this page at Lower case, and ChiefjusticeDS moved it to a user subpage, saying that it was a good start that needed work. I don't know what that means. Now, I finally got around to fixing it, and just want to have a second opinion as to whether or not it's ready for the mainspace. Airhogs777 07:25, December 18, 2010 (UTC)
- You should really work on it some more before having reviewed, just so it'll be easier on everybody--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 02:12, December 19, 2010 (UTC)
- Eh, I'll review what's there. Give it something to work with, perhaps. Be done soon. 04:49, 19 December 2010
|Concept:||3||It seems to me that what we have here is a rather random stub attempting to justify its existence through being, itself, an example of what it is about. There does not appear to be any particular main idea or unifying theme, save for that it the article consists of (made up) stuff about lowercase, though there appears to be more about getting tired of caps lock and about taxes than anything else...
This is all very well and fine, but articles, to be effective and overall funny, need to have some sort of unifying theme, some sort of main point, or angle. The direction and the how from which the subject is approached, and the overall why the thing is funny. It needs to be more than formatting, too. Consider what Aleister and I did to Disguise - I put on the mask, but the thing wasn't really funny until Aleister wrote what went behind it: a cohesive, ordered article article about the history and usage of disguises, each idea flowing into the next, but all told in the same spunky voice, always returning to the central idea of disguises being the centre of everything.
What I am saying is that you should do something similar here - choose your angle, your main point, you... oh, this is the concept section of the review, so, yes... that. Your concept. Settle on something and go with it. Is lowercase the result of boredom with caps lock? You could use that, then, write about it, or you could choose something else, but whatever it is, just go with that. Work in jokes, keep it in some semblance of funniness... read some of the best for ideas and examples of what works. I'd suggest (re)reading HTBFANJS as well, and perhaps HTBAFANJACF while you're at it. They are, after all, rather valuable resources.
|Humour:||2||You need to choose an idea to stick to it, or this simply isn't going to be very funny. Being bored is vaguely funny... it's a common reason for things to come into existence, and a silly one, as well, but it is also quite overused, as are Oscar Wilde quote. This one is somewhat amusing in that it's all in uppercase when talking about the opposite, but it also don't even make sense; why would he be saying that? What has it got to do with the rest of the article, for that matter? Quotes, as the leads into sections/articles, need to be relevant more than anything else, and this one simply isn't.
But the content itself just comes across as random, and generally quite ludicrous, bordering on complete nonsense. 400 years is literally thousands of years? It began in the 3080s? IRS club? Actually, as an idea, that last one might work... if you actually flesh it out, explain what it is, tie it into whatever your main point winds up to be, but as it is, you're tossing in randoms, and random in of itself tends not to be funny.
|Prose and formatting:||5||I didn't realise it was so hard to read stuff without capitalisation... interesting. But at any rate, you have two sections, and introduction, and a see also. The introduction is an entire one sentence. Enough to say what it is, but not enough to establish much of a joke. Generally, it would be at least a paragraph. Set everything up, then follow into the main body, which would in turn flow from there.
The main grammatical issue is entirely intentional, and past that I didn't notice anything in particular... but then again, why? You don't need to do the entire thing in lowercase, even if it is about lowercase. One of the best colour articles I have ever read, Yellow, was also the only one not written in the colour that it was about, last I checked. As long as the format works with what you are doing, however, and it comes across readable and amusing, you can do pretty much anything.
|Images:||0||This needs images. Once you sort out what you actually want to do with this, what images to add should be a little easier to say. Ones that back up whatever the article is saying, generally.|
|Miscellaneous:||3||This has a very long way to go, I'm afraid.|
|Final Score:||13||I know this may seem really bad, but what you have so far is simply not an article. I'm not saying you should give up on it, mind, far from it - you need to figure out where you are going with it, and then go there with it, so to speak. Turn your stub into an article playing out some sort of larger joke, with little bits of funny worked in all the way through; that should be your goal, here. I do hope this helps, good luck, and if you have any questions or whatnot, just... ask.|
|Reviewer:||07:54, 19 December 2010|