Captain Obvious quotes are almost never a source of humour. The other quote is not funny. Non-sequitor anachronisms, such as coaching the Teletubbies in the 1920s, are heinously overused and almost never funny unless conveyed in a serious encyclopaedic tone. The last section is a one-line mystical origins joke, which is a similar pitfall.
Worthy of an Uncyclopedia article? Sure. But this article isn't actually about anything, and is exceptionally stubby. Biographical articles are a bottomless well of possibilities -- what you need is an angle. What kind of a man is Lou Holtz? How did he motivate his players? Why has he held so many jobs? Does he have some kind of bizarre habit that causes people to regularly fire him? Could this article be written in the style of the subject? Maybe each football programme he ran was secretly managed by an anthropomorphic manatee named Carol?
Perhaps it could be about something entirely unrelated to what Holtz is known for, as long as you don't claim that he was once President of the United States (before Harpo; after Oprah). Get a fresh perspective -- maybe his main interest in life was actually model trains, china dolls or architectural origami. See what I'm doing here? This article can be about anything, as long as your concept is coherent.
Prose and formatting:
Not terrible, not good. Still readable, but has incorrect use of apostrophes and lack of appropriate sentences.
Obviously. Search through uploaded images first, then the rest of the internets.