Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/keith Lemon
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Megaman2000 11:36, 28 November 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||2||As usual, look ye at the Concept score for the main reason I think this article fails, but I'll summarise the humour here as best I can.
Quotes. 4 quotes is usually a bad start to an article, and this is no exception. The Gandalf and Wilde quotes are not at all funny and the first could be funnier if you focussed the concept more on the "hating Manchester" element. The final quote has a certain charm, and if you have to have a quote, I'd stick with that one.
Intro - This is a summary of the rest of the article, and is largely redundant as it stands. This would work better if you kept it as a short set-up for the concept of the article.
Early Days - This is really just a ramdom history with little to recommend it. There is the occasional turn of phrase that raises the bar slightly ("blog (Web Log for those stuffy types)" and "Brighton Donkey ride technitian(sic)", but even a champion limbo dancer would struggle to get under is.
Charity work - More random stuff, with a weak Lemon-aid pun, but writing in Manchester dialect shows a potential way to approach the article.
Rhino Jeans - A leap to another topic, and nothing other than random unfunniness. Again it gives you a possible concept - his Victorian management style and inability to conform to modern practices/health and safety etc... Could you present him as a Victorian mill-owner type?
Securipole - has one funny line that ties in with the above "anyroad there was too many children in Manchester", but other than that, not much to say.
Hiatus - A trip to Dragon's Den with a pubic wig could be funny, but resorting to the Balmer meme isn't.
Show Me Your Moves - I just don't understand this, and would remove it all, post-haste.
TV stardom - more randomosity. Was TV the way he got his life back together after the hiatus? How does that tie in with the concept you plump for?
Keith Lemons celebrity Juice - OK, the idea of a TV series where celebrities are blended could be sick, but funny, but as it stands, this doesn't exploit the potential.
Guest Apperances - If you set Lemon up well as a complete bastard, then having im present Songs of Praise could be fun, but as it stands, I haveto come back to the key word for this article. Random. The song list is just a list with some words changed...hmmm
It's all random to the end of the article, and you really need something coherent to tie the thing together.
|Concept:||4||Biographies of fictional comedy characters are hard to pull off. You've plumped for taking the "real" history of Keith Lemon as it continues fleshed out by his creator (Leigh Francis) through various TV programmes, and as such have painted yourself into a bit of a corner... You're constrained to fleshing out details missing from the existing biography of the character. Lemon's history is not really what makes him funny; it's the character that is funny, with his history providing a back story. It's therefore virtually impossible to be really funny with this approach, as you don't have an original angle to pin ideas on.
I'm not familiar with the character, but it seems that to make this article work, you need a less straight-laced approach. What would happen to this article if Lemon were presented as head of tourism for Manchester? Or as a failed businessman, would his story be funnier if you presented him as a success?
Another problem lies in the relative obscurity of the character. OK, I know Bo' Selecta! is popular in the UK with many, but it's a very specific demographic, and for many on the interweb, he is unknown. You need to address this by making the Lemon story funny, even if you don't know who he is. Consider Andy Rooney ... I'd never heard of him, but even so, I found it funny on first reading, and even funnier when I found out more about him.
|Prose and formatting:||3||There are lots of errors in the article. Fr'instance, it should be Keith Lemon, with two capitals throughout, and try and invest in some apostrophes other than in the dialect pieces. They're only tiny, so won't cost much. The article isn't completely ugly, but the number of short sections makes it unbalanced. Get a concept, and make that work over 3 or 4 sections of a decent(ish) length.|
|Images:||4||You have some images, 2 of which show Lemon, but without a decent comment underneath, they will never be funny. The Blamer thing can just die in a corner somewhere, although if the Songs of Praise section is to stay, you should make the pic look more professional-like.|
|Miscellaneous:||3||I like 3. It's curly and cuddly and looks like boobs when it falls over.|
|Final Score:||16||I think the concept section says it all. As it stands, the article is a random collection of nonsense, and needs heavy pruning to conform to some coherent message.|
|Reviewer:||Asahatter (annoy) 14:02, 8 December 2008 (UTC)|