Hey Can I get a decent review on this, will take every comment that is given but I need to know how to continue this article
Drag 03:33, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
Just want to tell everyone that my old account Dragonfir731 is no longer in use, so I will use this one to request the Pee - Musty Elbow <talk- - -contribs> 11:50, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
I will try to keep this as brief as I can, seeing as I reviewed this once before. I was going to leave someone else to do it but no one did so I will try not to repeat myself...too much. From what I can see, there are two major problems with your humor. The first is that it is a bit too in-jokey in sections for cross country people. It makes fun of some of thier traditions, that frankly, I have never heard of. This may not necessarily be bad, but you should find a better direction for your humor to run that doesn't rely so heavily on aspects like that. Secondly, your article uses awesome to much. This makes it too self-proclaimed, and therefore, loses some of its appeal. You say Cross-Country runners are awesome seemingly sarcastically so many times, people might start to think you like them. Which of course, there is nothing wrong with that its just you need to find a flow. Pick a direction to direct your humor and go with it. Besides, that, neatness might also benefit the humor, but that is for prose.
This, potentially, can be a VERY strong topic and can probably be featured if you do enough work to this. As it is now, it is not very presentable, or "directed" enough to be featured. By directed, I mean you do not have a flow. You just ramble and talk about how great it is in one paragraph, and how weird some of the things they do are in the next. If you want this article to go far, it is important that you find a direction to take your writing, and go with it the whole way.
Prose and formatting:
Prose massively let down your article. Since I have already docked you points in the other sections for writing style, I will save that and look at you formatting errors and things of that sort. I saw some spelling errors as well as some grammar errors. So I HIGHLY recommend going through and fixing those. It may seem petty, but your article is more "presentable" that way, and ultimately becomes easier to read. Also, make your list an actual list, and not just a messy line after line thing. Use numbers to do this or something like that. Finally, your pictures bunch up, and it would be benefial to spread them out so your article looks even more presentable. Move the first one up and the others so they are not on the same level with any others around them.
The pictures are a bit weak too. None I found to be of any humorous value. They all tell the story I guess, but are not funny. I honestly have no idea what the mountain one is about and the caption makes no sense to me. The stop sign and handicap ones support the "in-jokes" of your article which I find to be a very weak section. Also the one with the ice-cream truck is just random and I would consider replacing it or just getting rid of it all together.
Not bad, definetely has potential. Just work on its flow and you just might have a featureable product. Good luck!