Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/barbells

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edit Barbells

Re-reveiwe pleaseeee.. or die.--Oh Nut.Nutwhore 22:29, 11 September 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 3 Wayyy too random.
Concept: 3 Barbed bells. I dunno, I can't see a huge amount of mileage in this. It's the kind of thing that sounds funny when you think of it, but then you realise you can't get as much out of it as you'd hoped. Then there's the movie idea. Not great either, I'm afraid.
Prose and formatting: 4 Random, difficult to follow, inconsistent, not great. Spelling and grammar would need a tidy up too.
Images: 5 There are images, which is a start. The first one fits your central idea quite well, and is well made.
Miscellaneous: 4 Certainly quite miscellaneous.
Final Score: 19 Honestly, I'm struggling for a helpful comment, which is a shame, as I like to give helpful reviews, not just hand out a low score and disappear without a trace. Hmm. See below.
Reviewer: --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 11:58, 8 October 2007 (UTC)

Right, comments: you seem to have several ideas battling for space here, none of which are really developed, and none of which seem (sorry to be blunt) very good.

However, a few things that might help.

  1. Choose an idea and stick with it. Is it a movie article? Is it an article about the history of the barbell, developing from its origins as a weapon to its current status as work-out equipment? Decide, and ruthlessly remove the other bits.
  2. What is the tone of the article? Is it being narrated in some way? You start out with some narration, but then lose it. Be consistent.
  3. Don't be so random. Some of the sentences seem barely linked - you make huge leaps of logic it is difficult to follow. Look at the sentences and as if they make some sort of sense in the context of what's gone before. That might make it more readable as well.
  4. Read HTBFANJS. Again. Even the good authors around here do this, and it really helps.

If you don't like my opinion, others are available, but I've done my best to give you an honest appraisal of what's there. Good luck! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 11:58, 8 October 2007 (UTC)

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