Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/baguette2

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edit baguette2

I am a noob so it may not be up to par.. criticism welcome.. If deletion or complete rewrite is needed, fine.. Note that another article about baguette already exists so I modified it a bit to indicate it is something slightly different..

Note also that it is work in progress.. Just need a pee review to check if I'm at least somewhat appropriate..

--Ivan w 16:43, 10 July 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 5 I found the first half of the article fairly strong, but it seems to lose humour impact toward the end. It's most effective when you can build a funny section with more than one joke, such as the Napoleon quote (I liked both the obviousness of the translation and the "alternate" translation); also how you go from the research team misunderstanding the concepts and creating a loaf of bread - to its poor range and mild crunching sound. Toward the end the sections are shorter, and so you have less building of humourously-linked ideas. The tendency then is to fall into some of the Uncyclopdia traps: random humour and name-dropping. Random humour is what most people write when they don't know how to link humourous ideas together - they stick several unrelated items toegther. It's way overdone - if you're going to talk about the Canada/Zimbabwe war or KC and the Sunshine Band, make more of it. As for name-dropping, Oscar Wilde et al are really overdone and have become a cliche, so if you're going to use them at all, do so sparingly.

I also liked: "I've got one of these things in my backyard and no one dares parking in front of my garage!" You have some creative ideas. On the other hand, I don't think much of fart or most sexual humour.

Concept: 7 Pretty good - you make the concept work when you link the bread and weapon, such as "yeast-flour-water-salt" "not classified as a chemical or biological weapon since the explosive yield far exceeds the chemical or biological hazard" and when you describe the scientists working on developing the bread-weapon.
Prose and formatting: 7 Properly formatted. The superscripts such as "this is a lie" all in a row adds to the effect; on the other hand, I don't find repeating (approximately) over and over to have much effect. Too much in parenteses for my liking. I was a little unclear about the ending - does the "error" mean the device has gone off?
Images: 6 Not bad considering it would be hard to find interesting pictures of baguettes. Put one on the left of the page by including the word "left" next to "thumbnail."
Miscellaneous: 6 Expand the second half of the article, then I think it will be more interesting.
Final Score: 31
Reviewer: Sir Roger 19:41, 27 July 2007 (UTC)
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