I completely rewrote this and moved it from UnNews:Gaming addict killed by own computer. This is my first article submitted to Pee Review so please review it like you’re reviewing for a person who gets easily confused. --vyvyan 01:36, 5 July 2007 (UTC)
I just don't find it that funny.
Great concept, Needs work.
Prose and formatting:
Good, Not great.
Feels like it doesn't fit the story.
Remove any political refrence and come up with some random guy.
I'd admit, The story and concept is good but you need to think of an original character, Bush is becoming so overused, We be glad when he goes away in 2008, That's all I have to say, Good article though, Congrats --NXWave 10:44, 27 July 2007 (UTC)