Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/ UnNews:Bush had Sex and Didn't Realize it

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edit UnNews:Bush had Sex and Didn't Realize it

Please tell me how I can change this article to make it more satirical. Satire is something I fail at, so please help me out with that. Other than that, I do not believe that I will get any images for this article. Please tell me if you liked this article. --Razorflame 01:40, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

/me banishes punctuation Hey Razor sorry for yelling at you and I realize you're just trying to help let's get started --  Le Cejak <-> 15:53, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

I am going to get a picture and insert it as soon as someone tells me how to.--Razorflame 16:03, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

Badda bing, take a look at the code. --  Le Cejak <-> 16:06, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

Thanks dude. I owe ya one. I will look at the code very shortly :) --Razorflame 16:07, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

[[Image:Noise.jpg|thumb|right|200px|''Oh Jesus, RUN, BUSH IS TALKING ABOUT HIS SEX LIFE!'']] --  Le Cejak <-> 16:08, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

Have already added it to my userpage as a reminder :) Also, could you take a look at: Most Haunted and help me out with my request at the bottom of the page? --Razorflame 16:10, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 7 avg of all the paragraphs
  • P1 (8)

Yeah, that was pretty damn funny. However, it was random. Please reiterate why he didn't realize it or don't mention it as the opener joke (9 -1 for that)

  • P2 (7)

Adequate. A few suggestions:

    • Get rid of every single "this" and restructure the paragraph to compensate for that.
    • Get rid of the "in his mind" thing.
    • Tell us what his superior said after he heard that his own men wouldn't go in.
  • P3 (6)

Short. Please expand with anything relating to what has already been said.

Concept: 6 It was only a nearly adequate idea for a few reasons:
  • Bush jokes: everybody's tired of them. However, this puts a weird new spin on it.
  • Short: You didn't have enough material! That's a problem.

Here are some ideas:

  • give statistics on this kind of thing happening.
  • explain what Bush was talking about more.
Prose and formatting: 7 Fine, except that it's too damn short. In fact, each paragraph is too short, which makes it look funny.
Images: 0 no pictures! Not even a lame one of Bush at a podium!
Miscellaneous: 5 avg of your other scores
Final Score: 25 Keep trying on this one, and thank you for writing stuff! Come see me with comments

If you had a pic of Bush at a podium, your score would go from 25 to 33.5. If you had a picture of people running in terror, your score would go from 33.5 to 36.

Reviewer:   Le Cejak <-> 15:53, 7 November 2007 (UTC)
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