Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/ Obsessive-compulsive rhyming disorder

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edit Obsessive-compulsive rhyming disorder

I've been working on this article off and on for a couple of months now, and, after not working on it for most of that time, I've decided to finish it and move it onto the article mainspace. I think it could still be better (especially considering it is not nearly as fully-fledged as my other mainspace article, MacBook), but I'm out of ideas. My original theme for the article was playing off of the Wikipedia article for Obsessive-compulsive rhyming disorder. Tell me what you think, and if you have any suggestions, I'd be glad to hear them. -- Icons-flag-ca #1_ALF_FAN 21:31, 3 June 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 8 Ha! Very funny, right on the money.
Concept: 10 This a really excellent idea.
Prose and formatting: 10 See endnotes.
Images: 3 The grue template is not enough. Robert Frost was a rhyme-driven poet, let's get a pic of him.
Miscellaneous: 10 I really like this, but see endnotes.
Final Score: 41
Reviewer: ----OEJ 18:29, 4 June 2007 (UTC)

Endnotes: On prose: It is hard to rhyme whilst also keeping a sensible, logical, coherent stream of thought going. You succeed. That gets you the 10.

Suggestion: More on the treatment of the disorder, something like...

Patients with this compulsion will make a shopping list that's hard to fill:

1 pint of 2-percent milk
4 chocolate pudding cups
1 bolt Arabian shot silk
2 white-furred seal pups

The patient may feel defeated by the work of finding seal pups and Arabian silk in New York. The attending physician, given time, might encourage the patient to use slant rhyme:

1 pint of 2-percent milk
4 chocolate pudding cups
1 aquarium-raised whelk
1/4 pound of macademia nuts

Now, a whelk and some nuts are not as bad but still they're not likely to make all shoppers glad. And what if the patient is allergic to nuts, or finds that the things just gripe his guts? The next suggestion to avoid derangement might to use a little creative rearrangement:

1 pint of 2-percent milk
4 chocolate pudding cups
1 steak (not from an elk)
And NO macademia nuts

Whew, that is hard. Kudos to you for the work you've done. Please feel free to use this material or parts and bits of it, and rearrange it as you wish. Or use not a bit of it. A further bit I worked out might be when a compulsive rhymer visits the doctor:

Yo yo yo, Doc, my back be hurtin'
Think this homeboy musta ate a curtain
Maybe my badonkadonk been flirtin'
I need some drugs, Doc, that's for certain.

Doctor may be confused, so maybe the rhymer would be advised to change to

Yo yo yo, Doc, my back be hurtin'
That's the main symptom, and I be certain
I gots too much pain to even be flirtin'
Gimme muscle relaxants, and lemme put my shirt on.

But I'm too lazy to work up the rhyme-prose to go with the two versions.

Endnote on miscellaneous: The thing is, wordplay like this is something that I really like...so a less word-obsessed reviewer may have given this piece lower marks. Probably the piece needs some pictures (I'll look for some) and maybe some (more) polish, but eventually I think it's frontpage feature material.

Congratulations. ----OEJ 18:29, 4 June 2007 (UTC)

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