Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/ Lo Pan's Razor

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Revision as of 06:30, June 27, 2007 by Rogpyvbc (talk | contribs)

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edit Lo Pan's Razor

In depth feedback preferred. :-). MaxMangel 14:03, 11 June 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 5 It seems rather serious to me. I'd like to see more of lines such as "the Invisible Friend rule, by the ease of which people could be convinced they had an invisible special friend." Otherwise there's somewhat of a preachy tone. I do like the series of arguments ending with #5487 at the end. Some more examples might help - say if you had an example of Popular Consensus to show how ridiculous it is, rather than just explaining it. "Show me don't tell me" as a rule allows for expansion of humour. Or both show and tell.
Concept: 9 A really good idea to drive home your point. Again, more examples to highlight the absurdity of the argument would be good. You might even add a ridiculous-sounding razor from some silly, illogical, or unimportant person in history.
Prose and formatting: 7 Formatted properly, and to good effect. The boxes in particular as effective, and funny that you've used the original languages. But Jesus never said anything about a rich man passing through the eye of a needle. He said it would be harder for a rich man to go to heaven than to pass a camel through the eye of a needle (camel = thick cable, archaic definition). I'd also put a space between words and brackets in the first paragraph and under Modern Times; and evidence I think is not spelled with and s, unless it's a British spelling or something (right near the end).
Images: 4 You don't have to have more pictures, but it's always nice. They can be downloaded pretty easily from Wikipedia.
Miscellaneous: 6 Under Modern Times, maybe you could name some of these rather powerful sorcerers who send people into battle for their own amusement and describe their antics a bit.
Final Score: 31 I think this could be really funny and improve your point with a little work.
Reviewer: Sir Roger 06:30, 27 June 2007 (UTC)
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