Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Zim (Invader Zim)

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edit Zim

Don't piss on this...

Mad Scientist Adam Mada 00:00, July 18, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 4 Average in some parts, pretty funny in a few parts and just random nonsense in most parts. This article needs a lot of surgery - in other words, improvement, because improvement CAN be made. I'll go through section by section.
  • Introduction: The quotes aren't really funny, except for the third one. Kill the rest, but add one from E.T. (stating how he's way better then this idiot) and any famous villain (saying the same kind of thing). The actual introduction isn't really that funny. Cut out the 'I'm' bit near the end, it makes it confusing, and state who Dib is when you insult him. Also, maybe say he has a different condition than 'Napoleon complex', which I doubt many people will know what it is. I certainly don't.
  • "Invasion" of The World and afterwards: Random and hurried - plus it's not really funny. Try to actually tell us about his conquest - mention how stupid the humans were to not even notice he was an alien and so forth. Keep some of the good stuff but really rewrite this bit because it's too damn confusing. I'm sure there must be more you can write about the actual invasion.
  • Cartoon Lies: Change the title of this. Doesn't make real sense until you've read the actual paragraph. Call it 'Pre-Invasion Cartoon Scandal' or something like that. This is the best part of the article and is really quite clever. But slow it down and cut some unnecessary stuff. Then build on that concept a bit and add some more stuff that is related. Talk more about Dib. Who exactly is he? Other than this this is a very good part.
  • Famous Quotes: Not really that funny. Some of them have a good concept, but think up some more stuff. Think of subjects he could talk about - his home planet, his invasion, Dib, the show, humans, E.T. (that rival alien)... and so forth. Try and juice out every quote you can think of, and then keep the best ones. Do that - or delete this part. Your choice.
  • Did You Know...: A few funny lines here. But why is there a gap? If this is to suggest that Zim HAS been vandalizing the page, by deleting the rest of the quotes? Well, it didn't work for me. Just don't do it. It looks ugly.
  • Conclusion: There is some good humor here, but mostly it is just random stuff, especially in the 'Invasion' section. If you just think of more content you could delete this bit and write something new, because there is a lot of things out there you could write. Expand, brainstorm everything. How can you make Zim and his invasion look really stupid, or make him look much cooler then those humans? There is a potential here, you've just got to milk it out. I suggest H.T.B.F.A.N.J.S., as there is a lot of stuff in there that you could use to improve this article's humor.
Concept: 4 Good concept but you haven't made the most of it. Follow my advice in the humor section. Make this article longer - there is heaps you could write. Tell us more ABOUT Zim - his early life, recruitment and so forth. Why does he want to destroy those humans exactly? Instead of just detailing his invasion and cartoon lies afterwards, tell us more of his personal life - it will make it longer and make for an even funnier article.
Prose and formatting: 3 This hurts the article. There is a lot of bad spelling and grammar, and the style of language doesn't help. Either add the {{Proofread}} template to your article so someone can come and fix that, or do it yourself.

The article also looks pretty messy. Oversized and undersized pictures, blank gaps, and cramped spaces make it look horribly ugly. Here's what you should do:

  • Delete the Wikipedia reference.
  • Delete that space in the 'Did You Know?' section.
  • Move the black picture of Zim up to the quotes section and make it much smaller.
  • Delete the space after the introduction.

There. It should look better now.

Images: 5 Some pretty good images here, ok but not overly funny.
  • Picture 1 (Zim): The picture is funny by itself, but the caption just takes away that funniness. Replace it with something that states that Zim could suffer from frequent fits - because that's what this picture looks like, really.
  • Picture 2 (Zim in furry suit): So this is suppost to be one of the lies made up in the cartoon? Because frankly, I don't understand this picture. Explain further in the caption, with a nifty one-liner that states what the lie is, how much Zim hates it, etc...
  • Picture 3: Don't understand the humor in this one, really, but it can stay.

Conclusion: You need to add another picture. There are heaps on the page about Irken that you may want to consider.

Miscellaneous: 4 Averaged your scores.
Final Score: 20 Pretty ugly and with limited humor, this article, however, has potential to be pretty good. Don't worry about the scores, because they don't matter - just follow my advice and this article will definitely improve into a quality piece of Uncyclopedia satire.
Reviewer: --Some Idiot Image002 08:08, July 22, 2010 (UTC)
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