Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/You're Gay?!?! (resubmit)
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So, I heard you lot needed stuff to piss on, and some tit wrote this a few years back, and it's been improved upon since then. Have at it if you're bored.21:50, March 8, 2010 (UTC)
- Expect it within a day.
23:54, March 8, 2010 (UTC)
- Never mind, I have two pounds of homework and essays, and two tests this week. Sorry, too busy. :( 01:21, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
- Ive read this, but I had to much to do tonight and will get it done tomarrow--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 06:02, March 13, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||I believe this is a pretty good concept, but the way you execute it was, unfortunately, not too good. What I’m saying is,
First let’s talk about the narrative. I like to point out that the narrative voice of this article seemed to be all over the place, which provided confusion for me. Take a look at the article and look at the context a bit further. You should agree with me if we had a narrator for the article presenting these viewpoints to the reader they would come off better, as it opens, it doesn’t have preamble or anything like that, it just opens up Common Reactions to Admitted Homosexuality within Social Groups. Simply launching into the narrative of an article isn’t a wise thing to do, because we do not know why we are given the information, and we don’t know who’s presenting it. That’ll definitely confuse a lot of people. I think it will be better if this was transferred to the HowTo series. By doing this you have given the reader a reason why we our being given this information.
I also think you should add another character to the article, the guy the narrative is talking to. This will probably get rid of the confusion as sometimes I didn’t know who was talking, or if there was two characters talking or just one. However, this is completely optional. The second is the gay jokes you use. Even though the article is about someone being gay, some people don’t appreciate simple gay joke. I think it’s best to get some more ones from other sources, and you can make up your own if you like, but they have to be good and funny.
|Concept:||4||On the concept, I think it man wok, but problems mention above as well as below keep this score to a low one. And the main problem I found is that the tone tends to vary as you change voices, which I find kind of distracting. You should pick a tone and stick with it. The second problem is that some of your section headings don’t reveal much as you probably have wished about the prose that follow them since very little is related in these prose. You can possibly make these clearer with links or simply rewording them can really help alot.|
|Prose and formatting:||3||Ehh, personally I didn’t really like the prose, as it made the article too messy. I do not like it when people use titles and things like that as words, unless it states a question and the narrator answers it in a very funny but detailed way. Also refrain from using one word paragraphs. I really think that should be admitted from being use here on uncyclopedia, so try to refrain from them.
You also have a few spelling errors as well as grammar errors. You should read your stuff out loud and read through it carefully to check for these mistakes. If you are like me and don’t really check for mistakes like I mentioned above, use the proofreading service, they,ll be more than happy to check for mistake for you
|Images:||5||They are ok, but still not 100% good. The first image just seems completely random, and should probably go. The second one is ok, but you should make it bigger, so it looks nicer. The other ones are fine, although that fat one was creepy, but made me crack a smile.|
|Miscellaneous:||4||My overall grade of this article.|
|Final Score:||20||I have to admit I got to give credit to ChiefJusticeDs for helping me, as at first I did not know what to say about this. Anyways, It isn’t that bad, just a little tweaking with the changes above can make this even better, maybe VFH worthy. Also reading HTBFANJS helps a lot so I highly recommend it. I f you have any question, go to my talk page and I’ll be more than happy to answer them for you. Good Luck! Cheers!|
|Reviewer:||--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 22:37, March 14, 2010 (UTC)|