Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Yes (band)
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Thehallway 19:37, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
CheifjusticeDS, I have a feeling you have actually reviewed the article Yes and not the article I wrote (Yes (band)). My article has more than one image and isn't short (it's actually rather long) and is about the prog rock band Yes, not the word.--Thehallway 14:36, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
- OK the mistake there was mine, but I was only following the link at the top of the page. It is your responsibility, when you submit the article to make sure everything is linked correctly, if you follow the main link then you will reach a completely different article. I apologise for my error in not catching this mistake when I reviewed, but you must accept that the fault is not wholly mine. I'm afraid you are going to have to resubmit, if you do I will fast track you through the queue and make sure the delay is minimal. --ChiefjusticeDS 16:20, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
Sorry about that. I can't seem to change the link at the top of this page, and it won't let me submit a new pee review page because this one is already called Yes (band). I'l put a link here, will that work? Yes (band). By the way I hope your familiar enough with the band to be able to review the article. --Thehallway 17:07, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
OK, that shouldn't be an issue. If you want to resubmit the article then simply name it Yes (band) (2nd Submission), If you want a review otherwise it will go to your talk page, I'll leave 24 hours for you to resubmit, if you don't want to then my review will be here or on your talk page. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:24, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
Hey, I'm here, 24 hours. Oh and sign your posts at the end. --ChiefjusticeDS 19:45, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||2||To be brutally honest with you this is very lucky to be on PEE review instead of VFD, however your posting it here hopefully demonstrates a willingness to try and improve so I will do what I can to help. The first thing you need to do is to read HTBFANJS, here you will find all the information and guidance you need in order to rescue your article. Your article's jokes are currently very confused and in general made about the wrong things. You will find a lot of information in HTBFANJS but I will give some of my own advice. Firstly you need to decide on an overarching direction for the article as far as humour is concerned, ask yourself what can you make jokes about and how you can make them have the most impact. Then, once you have decided on a direction for the humour you need to make sure it conforms to HTBFANJS. If you are going to write an article about the word Yes then you need to find a way to make it funny, the best way I can see is by putting it in context. For example "Yes is a word regularly uttered in concurrence, for example 'Yes I would like you to hand over all your valuables and then lie on the floor while I kick you a bit'". While this may not be a comedy apex, it is still more amusing than saying "The word yes was invented by Herbert the sheep farmer from fybkjwhv in northern ubfewdiojnbgvb, he likes cheese". By placing the word in context throughout your article you can find a new source of comedy and work with that. Take a look at this article for a good example of the style. We also tend to discourage the use of in-jokes as they cut down on accessibility to the article.
I understand it is upsetting and disappointing to receive such feedback on the first article you have created on Uncyclopedia but if you want to have any success at all here then you should try to learn from these comments and work at it, nothing impresses us more than someone who is prepared to take advice and keep on trying. Don't be afraid to use HTBFANJS and to ask other experienced editors for help, all of these people would be more than happy to help a new editor such as yourself.
|Concept:||3||The concept of the article is weak and a very difficult topic to write on with any degree of success and your execution is flawed. What you should do here is try to figure out the best tone for your article, you can either use the encyclopaedic third person e.g. "The word yes is an affirmative particle of the English Language, and has spawned many spin-off groups and movements like, Affirmative action and the Obama Presidency". Or you can use the casual first person e.g. "The word yes is unmistakable one of my favourite words, just think of all the ways you can use it Yes I would like you to fuck off and Yes I would like you to pay for me to have a jacuzzi installed in my garage". The choice is completely up to you and very much dictates the way you write the article. I personally would suggest the first person angle for this one as that provides you with far more to say and though brevity may be the soul of wit, wit cannot flourish indeed without an adequate vessel.|
|Prose and formatting:||4||Your prose are better but the article is far too short to merit a higher mark. Your first section is only a couple of lines long and doesn't really tell the reader anything. You need to expand the article and make it more coherent, read it through carefully after any edits and make changes appropriately. Your image formatting is fine, though I will come to the images themselves later. This is a pretty redundant section as I would recommend bulldozing most of this to make way for a new reconsidered version.|
|Images:||2||The image is alright but you need to find a way to link it to the text better. You will need at least 2 images for the fully completed article, though we can save that for another time, you need to fix the foundations before we can build on them.|
|Miscellaneous:||3||My overall grade of the article.|
|Final Score:||14||You have potential to be a good writer but you need to slow it down and accept help and guidance. Read HTBFANJS and sort this one out, the community here is full of people who will be willing to help you. You can consider the Adopt a n00b programme or you can leave me a message on my talk page, I always try to help new users and established ones. Good luck fixing your article.|
|Reviewer:||--ChiefjusticeDS 22:03, 11 August 2009 (UTC)|