Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Yacht

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edit Yacht

Notify me if you review this. With Savings, most probably.                zh              07:50 September 10

I'll try and get to this in the next day or two. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:20, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 3 I can't say I found this funny at all. Most of the humor/jokes etc. come from you totally inventing a ridiculous history of the yacht. The problem is, none of it makes much sense. Each line is totally random, and relates very little not only to what a yacht actually is, but to the rest of anything in the article. I know that this was probably your intention, but it just isn't funny at all. The one thing you do, humor-wise, that is consistent are the constant iterations and variations of "Nobody knows what ____ is. Do you know what ____ is? Because I don't know what ____ is. So you probably don't either. Actually, wait...." This is tedious more than it is funny, and I would suggest not doing it at all.
Concept: 1 Here's your problem: you have no concept. You've got no satirical angle here at all. The one thing you have that comes even remotely close to "having an angle" would be the whole "What is a yacht? Nobody knows..." thing you do through the entire thing. Problem is, you can do that same exact thing with any subject. I could just replace the word "yacht" with "apple" or "fistfuck", and it would have the exact same comedic effect. The only time I've ever seen an article like this work at all was when Cheddar did something similar with Thin Mints. In that article, most of the humor was derived from the contrast between the apparent high class/intelligence of the article narrator and the silliness of the subject. Here, you don't do that at all. Furthermore, any attempt to do that probably wouldn't work, either, because a yacht is something of a high-class subject, and therefore you couldn't contrast it with a high-class narrator.

Basically, come up with an angle to satirize a yacht from, and write a totally new article.

Prose and formatting: 4 There aren't any misspellings, but your prose is extremely awkward and full of grammatical errors. I know that you're from Singapore, and as a result probably don't speak English as a first language, so I can't fault you for this. However, just because it isn't your fault doesn't mean that there isn't a problem.

As far as formatting is concerned, you've actually done a pretty decent job, though many of the sections are extremely short. This, however, ties back into the larger problem you have, which is this: you have no concept.

Images: 3 The pictures are just as random and disjointed as the rest of the article, and are therefore bad. Again, they have not only nothing to with the articles actual subject, but with any subject. If I were to give you pictures of a giant goose, a destroyed house, a random country man, an ugly goth chick and the Autobots logo, and then had you guess the subject of the article they came from, you probably couldn't. No one could, for that matter, because they're just random pictures without any context at all floating around in an article that isn't actually about anything.

Also, your images are too small.

Miscellaneous: 2 My overall grade.
Final Score: 13 Basic math tells me you scored a 13. With savings, most probably.
Reviewer: Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:03, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
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