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This is a fairly silly article, really. What I really need is some humour advice. IronLung 01:20, 3 January 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||I’m writing this last, so I’ll try not to overlap: all in all, the article is reasonably amusing, but unfortunately, due to the rather weak concept (see below) it’s a lot less than it could be. The references to various figures (Dora the Explorer, Reagan, etc.) seem rather random and out of place, and, as I’ll elaborate on later, there’s really a bit too much about boobs here and just too little actually about wrists. The article feels rather detached from its subject, and the jokes it does have about what it does focus on really aren’t of the best quality. This really doesn’t match up to your usual quality. Read on for elaboration.|
|Concept:||5||I’m sure you were very aware that you were taking a risk with this topic; it’s very random and out of the blue, and with those sort of topics, whether they work or not rests heavily on the shoulders of the writer.
And as far as this one goes, it could certainly have been worse. But unfortunately, it could have been better too. There’s the boob joke, for one thing. The fact that it’s there is fine-this is an article about a magazine, after all-but unfortunately the article overall is a little too dependent on the idea that most people bought the magazine because there were pictures of boobs in it. And it’s really not interspersed with enough other jokes. And what’s more, its connection to the subject of the article overall is flimsy; there’s only a brief mention of the comparison between wrist and cup size, even though such a thing could have really been fleshed out nicely (you could have done about Overall, this running gag making up a lot of the concept doesn’t really stand on its own two feet.
Moving on to the rest of the concept, it’s not bad but could have been better. The idea of WristWatch being a magazine is, as I said and as you’re aware, rather random, and this article doesn’t really deliver it enough; like I said, a lot of it is made up of the boob joke, and as for the rest, well, there really isn’t enough about actual wrists. The political parts are rather disjointed, and...well, there’s not that much else, is there? I’m sure you’d have been capable of filling all that space with mock ‘scientific’ stuff, celebrity interviews about wrists, political stuff that connects better to the topic of wrists (taking into account political events of the time)...perhaps even stuff about actual wristwatches.
In fact, come to that, the article, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, doesn’t really have much to say about wrist watches, does it? I’m probably being a bit fussy, but I’m sure that you’ll agree that someone typing ‘Wristwatch’ into the search bar wants to read at least something about wrist watches.
Overall, the concept could have been better. I like your work generally, so I really don’t think you put yourself into this article; you have much greater capacity.
|Prose and formatting:||9||Can’t find much wrong here; the tone is sufficiently matter-of-factly, the grammar is fine, and the formatting is pretty much flawless. Shame about the red links, though; you’ll want to polish those off.|
|Images:||5||Not too good here, I’m afraid. The magazine cover is all right, and the fact that its dull nature has been incorporated into content in the article is admirable (though it could have been fleshed out more). But unfortunately, the only other image is rather random and not sufficiently connected to the article’s content; even one reference to monkeys in the content could have given it a better connection to the article. What’s more, the article really could have benefited from one or two more images related to wrists and wristwatches; I’m sure you have the capacity to write funny captions for that sort of thing.|
|Final Score:||30||Overall, I’d call this a decent effort that has unfortunately missed a lot of its rather obvious potential. I’m sure you’re a lot more capable than this, and I’m sure the next ‘un will be an improvement. And I'm sure you won't think that my tone throughout this review has been one of a pathetic suck-up.|
|Reviewer:||BlueYonder - CONTACT|