Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Worst Day on my Computer

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edit Worst Day on my Computer

Iv'e finally manage to finish this. Well I got one last section to do but its pretty much good. Every things now finished. Indepth please! Thanks! If you're 555 then I'm Number of the Beast Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 02:57, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Guildy said he can do this--If you're 555 then I'm Number of the Beast Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 04:24, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 8 Personally I found this article really funny but there are a few things that might be a problem, but I'll outline them in the Formatting section. The computer vs man always makes for some funny stuff and it's purely the wacky computer messages and the reactions of the main character that makes me laugh out loud.
Concept: 7 This is a great concept and I think you've really milked out everything you really can with this subject. One thing I thought when I had finished reading this article is that you change the title of the entire article. Something like 'The Day My Computer Tried to Kill Me', or 'The Day my Computer Wrecked my Life' would be sufficient, while 'Worst Day on My Computer' isn't that catchy. You can either add this {{title|New title here}} or just copy the article onto a word document, then delete the entire article and paste the article onto the new page with a different title.
Prose and formatting: 4 Ok, there are a few things here. First, I think you need to cut the introduction. For me it's too long and not funny, and doesn't do justice to the entire article. You need something snappier, without going on about the main character, because we're not really interested about him, it's more what the computer is DOING to him. You don't even have to mention a name really. The introduction should draw the reader in and It didn't really do that for me.

Second, I think many people will find this funny at first but then eventually get bored and start skipping bits. I have to admit I did do this at one point, because it just goes on and on, and you're kind of using the same concept over and over again. My advice is simply cut out the bits that you don't think are as good as the others, and keep the really funny bits.

Third (This is not TOO important) maybe make your titles something more catchy then just the time of day. This not a big issue but if you state (or at least half-state) what's going to happen in the section, the reader will want see what happens and won't skip the section, while if you are just showing the time then the reader is probably going to think that's it's just going to be the same old thing.

To sum this section up, I really liked the story style of this article, how it's mostly the characters thoughts interrupted by what he's doing and the cool computer icons. The ending is great too. But think about the points I made because if you did do a bit of work on these it could turn out to be a real quality article, even good enough to be a Featured Article in my opinion.

Images: 8 The computer messages are what makes this article go, and I think these are very clever. Without them it would be an endless block of writing and this is definitely not pretty. The other pictures don't seem to fit in for me but they're good so I don't think you have to delete them. In themselves they are not overly funny pictures but your captions link them to the article and this is really good (I especially like the old granny picture).
Miscellaneous: 5 Averaged score. Nothing much else to say.
Final Score: 32 Ok, I think this was a really funny article, but the stuff on formatting section is important - make a better introduction, cut the article down a bit and maybe add some better titles on the sections, even change the whole title of the article. Other then those things I think this was a great article. I hope you found this helpful because it IS my first Pee Review.
Reviewer: --Some Idiot 01:14, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
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