||First Opening Paragraph: The tone of the opening paragraph immediately sets up your expectations for the punchline of the article. It's good though and well written. There's quite a bit to smile and smirk about here. It's a very strong opening, if a bit not-to-the-point. Considering the sort of person who's perspective this is meant to be from, then maybe this slow amble towards the topic at hand is fine. I've heard a few comments on this saying that it's "a bit slow to start with". As long as you can pack the lulz in on the way, I'm fine with that.|
Second Opening Paragraph: "I have those awfully good 50's jazz pieces that I just bought off eBay for a million pounds each " - this makes you smile, but could be slightly subtler. One million pounds each? It just sounds a bit, er, blunt... Maybe make it a bit more of a precise price? If you want to take it in this way you could have the person giving the price in pounds, shillings and pence (and all the randomly named things in-between)? I'm not sure if that's a direction you want the main character in this to head in, but it's just a thought. "Come on, I want to listen to these classics! Stupid machine. I know I wanted some jamming, but not this kind of jamming! " The sheer appalling-factor of this jokes makes it quite amusing and something to smile at, as you're nicely presented with the topic of the article and a sense of anticipation grows within you. I have a feeling this should be a good and enjoyable article. Let's see if it can live up to that!
Fuck me: This gets off to a solid start and "by now I could have got to the graveyard, resurrected the bands I want to listen to, and got them their instruments " is quite a funny line, despite the slight dodginess of some of the grammar in there (got to the graveyard, I want to listen to?). And "Sure, the record is bigger than the player, but such a minor quibble won't stop me listening to those brilliant tracks, I swear on my deal with the Devil " is quite a nice line too. Slowly the funny factor seems to be creeping up. In this section I've had quite a few smirks...we're yet to get actual laughs, but it's good. I think "What do you mean they were on proper gramophones? " is a little out of place and that you should leave a "you" character out of it. Instead of saying "you" the first person character can just think it to himself (e.g. "I suppose they were on proper gramophones, but still..."). You get the idea. And the last line - "I'm going to make it work, whatever the cost! As long as that cost isn't money, of course. " is a good one. This is shaping up to be a very good article.
Gah!: Gah seems to be good, too. "Turning to the government" is old, and not as funny as it used to be, but it still deserves a spot in this article, I think. His (or her - whoever the main character is) persistence is what drives this article forwards, and you hit on that a bit in this section (among others!). Maybe a bit more of a reference to his persistence? Not much more, but maybe a bit. Words like "gubbins " in there fit well and are nicely places. One or two more of these obscure and old-fashioned slangy-type words wouldn't hurt, and could provide quite a nice "scenic" backdrop to the why article.
I hate you with all my passion!: I hate you with all my passion? That's a bit of a clumsy title. What about "I hate you with intense passion" or even "intense burning passion"? All of my passion isn't cliched enough and is a bit different and slightly odd! "it's like every piece of garbage you've ever thrown away. Just with added caramel " was another nice line, one of the many that are scattered throughout the article. Also there was a bit of slight random humour in there, which I like to see every now and again! Personally I don't think the hippy revelation in this section is really needed. It seems a bit off-topic and doesn't (at the moment) really add anything in the humour department. "I hadn't felt frustration in 20 years. 20! And now I have to reset my timer just because of a stupid music medium " - there's another, good line. I'm using a lot of quotes here, because, as I've already said this article is full of good one-liners (or two- or three-liners). Good penultimate section, here.
Now you will die, machine!: The concept of getting a rocket launcher to settle a dispute with a CD player is fairly ingenious and I love your description of it. Also I like the irony that the character seems to be able to use a complicated weapon with a "super-zooming CRPZM zoominator"...but of course, at the very end the mess it up. You can just imagine the character pressing the "self-destruct" button, or something when he or she says "Oh, crudbucket" at the very end. This final paragraph is very good and lives up to the rest of the article, well done!
Overall: This isn't a laugh-out-loud article, here, but it's good and deserves VFH in my opinion, however, that's not to say it can't be worked on a bit more, to make it even betterer. Overall though, good work in the humour department!