Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Wear clothes 3 sizes too small (umpteenth look)

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edit Why?:Wear clothes 3 sizes too small

This will be interesting. AE wrote this ages ago, and I gave it a massive reviewing. Then AE left, and I still wanted to see this finished, so I've slowly had a go. And now I'm looking for a review of the article I reviewed. So whaddaya think? PEEING members only, please, I'd appreciate it. --UU - natter UU Manhole 10:00, Sep 26

I'll do it. 24 hours. --ChiefjusticeDS 10:52, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 8 The humour is pretty good, and certainly makes for a relatively involving read. However I would recommend you try a couple of things with the humour. In a lot of places the article feels like it could be better and the reason for this is likely that the article's narrative often spews out jokes in a way that feels as though there is no coherent structure behind them. Consider the "You won't have to buy new clothes" section. the narrative feels less like a convincing argument for why this is a good thing and more like the points are just occuring to the writer; perhaps this spontaneous style was intentional but I think it lessens the impact of the jokes that you do make. Much of the best humour in the 'Why' articles that I have enjoyed most has come from a staunch belief by narrator that what is being said is completely correct. I don't think I need to go into massive depth on this problem as it seems to me that it can be fixed with relative ease and that you start to move into a more solid style as the article progresses. This problem doesn't effect the jokes too badly but it does lessen their impact on the reader. My only other points are based mostly around the above, you need to try and make the article be more instructional with regard to the benefits rather than just stating what sound like possible benefits. Again, this begins to disappear as the article goes on and I think you really nail the correct style for humour in the section that gives the arguments against. Take a look at the differences between how you present the argument in the first section and how you present "the truth" in the arguments against section.
Concept: 8 There are no problems with your concept and all that poses you problems here is your tone. There are a lot of rhetorical questions in your prose and you often set up your points like this: "Why bother doing etc etc?" This is OK, but, in my view, not the best tone to use. I would recommend that you try converting a lot of the rhetorical questions into statements, for example "Why blow it on a few scraps of fabric that's likely to be overpriced anyway?" can become something like "By keeping your old clothes you can avoid the quite frankly extortionate prices ($14.99!) that stores charge for a couple of strips of fabric". I just feel that this change would encourage a different and more informed tone that would make the narrative sound like it is the authority on why you should do this. Take a look at this one which I think has exactly the tone you are casting about for. Your mark is not lower because the article is fine in it's current form, I just feel it has potential to improve.
Prose and formatting: 9 Just as I would anticipate from an experienced writer, the article's prose are excellent and your spelling and grammar is only marred by a couple of problems, one of which I will correct myself once I have finished doing this. I would just like to remind you of the the impotance of poofreading. Even for experienced writers errors do slip in and I woukld recommend taking some time to closely examine your work to make sure any lingering errors are removed. My only question is with regard to your formatting and the large white space that is present just beneath the words "You won't have to buy new clothes". Is it there intentionally or is it just there because of the image? If it is because of the image then I would recommend you try moving the image, or, if you, in your infinite wisdom, can figure out another way then by all means do that. Otherwise the only problem is that the first two images are just right next to each other and, in an ideal world, there would be some space between them.
Images: 9 Your images are absolutely fine and your captions are well considered and fit the tone of the article, just remember to change them as well if you change the tone of the article drastically, it would be a shame to miss them out. The point here is lost for a formatting complaint, there are no real difficulties with the images themselves.
Miscellaneous: 8 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 42 Don't get the wrong idea from my review, the article is pretty good as it stands and would probably do reasonably well on VFH in it's current form. I just feel that there is potential for the article to be better and that it would be worth making the effort for that before taking it to VFH, if that is your aim. Your writing is, as is widely acknowledged, very good, and I think that you just fall down on a couple of minor tone issues which, unfortunately, effect the impact of some of your jokes. If you have any questions or comments then you can find me on my my talk page. Otherwise well done, and good luck making any more edits.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 11:53, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
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