Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Save the Idiots

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edit Why?:Save the Idiots

Thanks. --Nomoredonkeys 17:26, 11 December 2007 (UTC)

Cheevers99
This article is under review by
Gerry Cheevers.

Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
Excellent review, Gerry.   Le Cejak <-> (Dec 12 / 00:47)
Humour: 4.6 average of all sections
  • intro: 6
a decent opening, see prose-comments for how to improve.
  • examples 1&2: 5
not very funny. see concept comments for ideas.
  • example 3: 1
dude, george bush is one of those beaten-to-death jokes, not only here, but everywhere. at most it'll get a frustrated sigh from readers. these tired jokes can still be funny if delivered properly, but simply giving 'george bush' as an example of an idiot is pretty weak.
  • but why: 5
you start off strong, but then get list-ish and less funny. try to re-work the list part into a paragraph, and streamline it. the simpsons part in particular is great.
  • give us money: 6
not a bad ending, although some references to what the money will be used for will help.
  • final humor comments:

you've got some mediocre to slightly-above-average content, but it needs a lot of work. i'll refer you to HTBFANJS, which should be read over and over, and is read over and over by some really great writers here. focus on the importance of idiots in maintaining a working civilization, and see the concept:comments section for some ideas.

Concept: 5 not a terrible concept, but could use some development. try the darwin awards website for some ideas on how to express the need to save idiots from themselves. change your examples to recount some of the more hilarious idiocy-related demises seen there, or use it as an influence to make up your own.
Prose and formatting: 7 you seem to vary between tones; you start off with a news blurb, then have a why?-ish tone, then end with a telethon plea. you should pick one and stick with it throughout your article. i personally think a telethon plea would be a good concept. your grammar, spelling, and formatting look good, though.
Images: 4 the first image and last image are good and should be kept, although wittier captions would serve better. the other three don't really bring much to the table. if you do decide to change your examples, maybe use some of the images that the darwin awards website has, or even use the request images page to get some funny pics.
Miscellaneous: 5.15 average
Final Score: 25.75 using the guidlines as a reference, this article is above the VFD/NRV limit, but falls into the 'suggested rewrite' category. however, don't be discouraged, as a rewrite is exactly what this one needs. you've got a lot of potential in this article, and i think with a telethon-tone throughout, some clever examples, and a few readings of HTBFANJS, you could see your future pee review score improve greatly. as always, i hope i have been helpful, and i offer my services to you should you need anything at all.
Reviewer: --SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 00:03, 12 December 2007 (UTC)
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