Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Life sucks

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Revision as of 04:06, September 14, 2010 by Thatdamnedfollowspot (talk | contribs)

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FAQ

edit Why?:Life sucks

218.186.10.231 12:15, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

Um, did you write this? —HOLY FUCKING ASS BANANAS WHORE MafiaHatBlack Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [22:37 10 August 2010]
I dunno, but I'm reviewing it. Will be done by 9:31 PM EDT tomorrow. Leutnant Herr Thatdamnedfollowspot 01:31 Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Humour: 3 The humor in this article isn't really humorous, but I can see an attempt at being funny. Your article is full of one-liners and just general random things about people are thrown in there. I've said this a few times on VFD, and I'll say it again: one liners and random humor do not make a funny article.

Just from looking at the first paragraph, I can tell that the humor is forced, and the paragraph revolves entirely around sex. It should be more diverse than that, especially for the introduction. A good introduction to anything, whether it is an Uncyclpoedia article, book, you name it, should be interesting and catch the reader's eye, making them want to read more about whylife sucks, not just chalking it up to STDs and sex without reading the rest of the article.

The schizophrenia of the narrator isn't really addressed or noted in the article, it is just randomly inserted into the article. The second section, about people intruding into the lives of others, wasn't all that amusing either. I could restate what I've already said, which was that random one-liners and the like. The television and sports sections don't really fit with the article. They have almost nothing to do with the article itself, just more one-liners that it doesn't really need. The ending is more than predictable. C'mon, spice it up a bit! Don't just end it with the narrator encouraging the reader to commit suicide- that's not only bland and dull but, as I said, predictable. Show them a different way of effectively ending their existance, maybe the narrator enlists the reader in the war and sends him/her/it off to die in a brutal war or something like that?

Concept: 5 The concept is an alright concept, but it is poorly executed, as I went into detail above. If this is improved upon greatly, I could see this becoming a better article than it is now. But, as I said above, take out a bunch of the random bits.
Prose and formatting: 2 The grammar and formatting could be better. There are quite a few spelling errors that could easily be fixed. Your style of writing needs a lot of work. It's obvious to the reader that you're trying too hard to be funny. Just let your fingers do the typing and don't think about it too much.

The emphasis on sex and STDs, as I stated above, doesn't need to be mentioned as much as it is. Maybe something mentioning how STDs can ruin your life, but no more than that. Anything more is a bit too much and can start to bore the reader.

Images: 2 The article contains too many pictures, and the pictures aren't that funny to begin with. Sometimes, the caption of an image can act as a humor supplement, if you will, to the article. Here, there is one image without a caption describing the image, and the captions supporting the other images don't really flow with the image and the article. Get rid of at least three images- the article is too cluttered.
Miscellaneous: 3 Score averaged as per Template:Pee
Final Score: 15 This article needs a lot of work, but I think that you can improve it by following what I've said here. Good luck!
Reviewer: Leutnant Herr Thatdamnedfollowspot 04:06 Tuesday, September 14, 2010
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