Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Join Nonciclopedia

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Revision as of 20:06, August 31, 2008 by Knucmo2 (talk | contribs)

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edit Why?:Join Nonciclopedia

Spin cycle! --Sir General Minister G5 FIYC UPotM [Y] #21 F@H KUN 18:13, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 5.5 *Intro: Liked this very much, the best part of the article - especially the line 'Does it have enough pizza?', a nice blend of the absurd and the gustatory.
  • Why Even Start: Like the title of the section, this section seemed a bit tired and lethargic. It is missing the punchiness of the intro. Plus the sentence: 'Italy is probably a pretty big place, with lots and lots of gourmet foods and stuff. But that is France' just seemed awkward - we seem to have digressed into a very amateurish discussion on where Italy and France are on a map.
  • First Impressions: Well, my prima impressione of this paragraph was one of mild mirth. I like how we are humorously taken through the webpage as if it were a hazard course. The final paragraph seemed a bit silly and not related though.
  • Secondary Impressions: Well these ones don't really count do they if we believed neurologists. But anyway, I was getting tired of the Do not Panic joke by this point. I think it works in the above paragraph, but its really been driven into the ground now. Maybe you could introduce the idea of something to actually panic about, like a load of pop-up windows springing up on your desktop. And as of yet, I've had no real reason, funny or otherwise, to see why I should join this Italiopedia. The execution of the concept is weakening now.
  • Tertiary Impressions: I don't think they are impressions by now, so much as memories! Liked the DO NOT BARF, but would have enjoyed it more had the joke not been driven into the ground. This was the worst section in my view - the last paragraph just being a series of random observations which are not funny enough to stand as non-sequiturs. I would delete this section, as it adds nothing to the concept, or radically rewrite it.
  • Community: I thought this would have come earlier. 'The community itself features retards and prostitutes. But this is Italy' - This is just bias, not humour. You ask us to note the lack of pizza, perhaps you could make it funnier by saying why? And this is a Why? article, right?! You imply that Italians are retards and yet VFH is enough to confuse Americans, and not Italians. The joke doesn't come through therefore...
  • Imagery: This section needs some verbal imagery, and less 'do not panic'. Still no reason as to why I should be joining...
  • Views: Well, more Italian bias rather than humour here. I don't think Nonciclopedia is well known enough to have 'common beliefs' about it. The article has completely gone by here.
Concept: 6 A mixture of jokes about Italians and Uncyclopedia jokes. One advantage is that you can write the article so much so that it avoids the typical UnCyclopedia in-jokes. But that also means you have to avoid the Italian stereotypes too, or at least be creative with them.
Prose and formatting: 8 This is where you score highly. Short, terse sentences, and well formatted. Liked how the article was broke up with images too. Speaking of images...
Images: 7 Good work. Particularly the Merlin one, as it actually relates to the text at hand. I would however get rid of Fig 2.1, as I do not think it is very effective as a thumbnail, and you may have to make it inordinately large for it to make visual impact. I'd have the images spaced out, aligned to the right.
Miscellaneous: 6.625 Averaged via my calculator.
Final Score: 33.125 An average article at the minute in need of some coherence, and better development. I would like to see more compelling reasons, distorted for the purpose of humour, as to why I'd go there. After the first two tight sections, all we have is a repetitious joke that annoys, and a series of disconnected observations. I'll be glad to look over it again after you've made some changes to it.
Reviewer: --Knucmo2 19:46, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
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