Hi! I, Methamphetamine, am here to pee on your article. If you can, please let me pee. Thank you, and good night.
I found the one liners funny, the paranoid feeling of the story, and even how it parodies speeches about utility bills, but I can't find anything laugh out loud funny in the entire article.
The actual concept is perfect. Molten steel is never used in everyday life, nobody is ever concerned about. You have a great execution, as you act like molten steel is a utility, not a liquid capable of melting everything it touches. No complaints here.
Prose and formatting:
Ellipsis is only for a cutoff of a sentence (i.e.: ALIENS...NEPTUNE...EVERYONE'S DEAD!), so instead of using ellipsis, use a comma. Also, it's $168,000, but I'll fix that.
Two images, one of them sub-par.
Class job, it just needs a little work, and it'll be good enough for a feature on the front page.