Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Is My House Mad At Me
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Finally, my masterpiece is back up for review! Just kidding. Before reviewing, take a look at it's ill-favored VFH nom. I want this to eventually get VFH, so I'm looking for an IN-DEPTH review. Thank you, guys! • <-> Jan 8 (17:09)
- OK then... MrN 02:30, Jan 13
It's OK, but a little bit rambling. This is the most important part of the article, so it really needs to have some lolz in it. Not for me. As per normal MrN advice, make it a bit more concise.
Ahh, bollocks. I'm just going to re-write it a little for ya. You can always revert it later if it's too pants.
What type of house do you have? 8 OK, maybe strip out one of the more pants sections, I would do it, but then you might set your house on me... It's just a bit to long for how funny it is.
You're a person on a mission 7.5 At bit random, though it does have an idea behind it. Maybe it's been too long since I watched Narnia, but I don't get it.
Why is it mad at me, daddy, make it stop!! 8.5 My favourite section. I love Houses can, over time, become cranky. great concept. This is the place to include the Shakin Stevens bit. Us brits will get it, even if you chaps over the pond don't. You do mention the coasters a few times here and there, and the concept of "getting your house gifts" is repeated once too often for my taste...
A little lame for me. Loose carpets? creaking floorboards? footsteps in the attic? falling down the stairs? Air conditioning breaking down?
Seriously, more accidents happen in the home than anywhere else! It's a dangerous place to be. What to do 8.5 No links in this section at all? People will complain... Add some.
|Concept:||8.5||Obviously a good concept. No mention of house music?|
|Prose and formatting:||8||Per normal MrN comments. Trim out the excess. There are some good ideas here and there, but in a few places you use a lot of words to not add much. Be aggressive. I have trimmed it a little, but it can take much more of a hacking back. I would do it, but I don't want my house to get mad at me.|
|Images:||7||"I'M THE BLACK HOUSE! WWwooOOOOooOOOOooo!!!" = Pants I'm afraid.
Why are the pics so small? Make em bigger dammit!
Probably the pics are the biggest let down of this article. They really don't add too much. Guess you have to go back to Google Images and spend some time trying to find some new ones. What about the money pit? You know Tom hanks? Maybe you can find a good pic from that?
|Final Score:||39.4||Basically, you need some better images, better captions and to trim the fat from some of the paragraphs. I think you should avoid random humour on this one, and keep to the more formal style. Don't forget the golden rule MrN rule: Make em laugh in the first and last paragraph and they will love it. They forget the rest anyway... I have made a number of changes here and there, but more is needed, obviously revert anything I have done which is pants.|
|Reviewer:||MrN 03:39, Jan 13|