Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Care About Black People

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

FAQ

edit Why?:Care About Black People

S3ahawk 11:38, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

My last why for now! Thanks for the reviews! S3ahawk 11:38, August 21, 2010 (UTC)


This shall be reviewed. In one earth day, give or take a time zone and probably a daylight savings time and... er, possibly another day but hopefully not, it shall be done. I will fill in all the relevant thingies and stuff so that hopefully, eventually, it might go to use. Meantime, don't get your curls in an uproar. ~ Pointy *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101013 - 23:29 (UTC)

Concept: 6 I am pretty culturally ignorant... so what about me? Why should I care about black people; I don't even know who most of those you named are. Normally, this would be all very well and fine, but for the fact that for the most part, you're only listing them. Going into detail about what examples they are, how wonderful they are as black people and better than the comparative white people... you have some of this, but more make it more in-depth, you know? And what about, perhaps, how their blackness in of itself has something to do with their success? An analytical approach will make it more clearly not just a coincidence.

I'll be honest... I'm reading the thing wondering, so? So besides the introduction, maybe answer the why more directly... tie the rest back in and conclude more, perhaps. That'd help. I think.

Humour: 5 Overall funny, I hopefully hit in the concept, so I shan't repeat. Sectional:
  • For the record, I don't watch sports in general. I also cannot stand jazz and have never seen Pulp fiction. For me, this is funny because it is ironic; you've demonstrated that I already don't care and don't really have any reason to. What about black people even does make the stuff watchable, bearable, etc?
That aside, though, you should play on this 'advanced rhetoric' card more. You have celebrity examples; what other fallacies could be incorperated? Fallacies are good...
  • Athletics - Olympics, eh? They were started by the Greeks. Think they included blacks? (Seriously, I have no idea.) What's this about caucasians letting blacks in? How did that come about? Very conversational, this. Slips are normal in speech, but does one not take more care when attempting to convince?
If your speaker/s is/are glossing over the latino and asian populations, why are some of them named on both the white and black sides later?
I like the depiction of Welker.
Lucky basketball, going without saying. But aye...
  • Musical arts - 'We will start with'; 'I will touch upon later'... interesting, as he wanders off. Although why say those transitions at all? Unless you are trying to make a funny at expense of his not being there (there be plenty stronger jokes), they really don't serve much purpose. If he will get to it later, he can hint at it or include it in a general overview and then transition fluidly.
Interesting how Michael Jackson is a genre.
This retiring to the loo in the middle, it still has me a mite bemused, but it's not bothering me so much now. At first it had me utterly at a loss. Now it's striking me as, heh, random...
How does the other fellow figure out where the first left off, which he'd know if he'd been there all along?
And... I don't understand this fellow. What in the blazes is he talking about? Ach, so this is the one calling out hispanics or latinos or whatever as blacks, though... odd.
Er, that parenthesised statement at the end doesn't fit. Doesn't follow from the previous statement, and it's grammatically wrong.
  • Movies - o_O Well, the fellow seems... competent in the matter?
The transition back, though, now that's just... it's an article. It began with saying it's an article, to be read, at that. So why is an argument transcribed in an article by a guy (and another while he wanders off) who wants you to read it in his voice when the article was not actually written in real time? Or was it? If you take out the bit about it being an article and being read, that would fix that part of it, but the whole argument itself feels quite staged; default formatting text arguments usually do. Think of it like a novel or some such, though. How they do speakers... the things don't pull the mics out of each other's hands and argue.
  • Rainbow - Eh? Maybe if you said what this thing even is, or something... and then perhaps what point it's making... because I have no idea what is going on here. Doesn't fit the previous voice, either... looks like the article ended prematurely.
Prose and formatting: 4 Mmm, this is bugging me. Who, exactly, is your speaker? What is even going on with that? Says it's Morgan Freeman, but then one's reading it in his voice? I've heard the notion of this before, things read in the "soothing voice of Morgan Freeman", but there has to be a less convoluted and strange way of putting it. And later, it... he goes to the bathroom? And this other fellow is conveniently there and starts off exactly where he left off... this not only confused me, but why even do it? I don't get it. They do seem to stay in character, at least... well, as far as I can tell. I don't actually know who they are.

Anyhoo, if you could have more of an evident reason for the transition of speakers, that might help. This bathrooming is so sudden. Hints leading up, maybe? I obviously missed them if there were any already. Or just ditch the idea of that entirely.

Since you are using specific speakers, it's difficult to tell what grammatical oddities are intentional or not, so I'll assume it's all what you meant to do and say, good job. After all, if you don't remember what you were trying to do, it must have been, anyhow.

Thing sure doesn't link much after the first section. Could make some funnies in the links... or just scatter around more pretty colours, at that. Or give people things to click on when they're clueless and for some reason think reading an Uncyclopedia article on the section will help...

Why the scoring? Seems an odd format. Although if you're going to go with that, you could really play it up, like the score is the all-important whatnot... maybe even have the score updated on new lines with large text or something... then again, that'd probably be taking it too far. Something to consider, I guess.

And finally... The more you know... is just not a strong ending. It needs a conclusion or something to pull in the ideas. To reinforce why all of that was answering the why. To say, this is why black people are important. This is why you should care. Don't actually say that, mind, but do that, if that makes any sense. Tie all of the examples together. Emphasize why, with them especially (that was why you focussed on them, right?), the blackness is important. You could also use it to put together the speakers, perhaps - have the second guy conclude to mirror the first introducing?

I may have said this before, (and if not, maybe I should have) but introducing and concluding a piece properly will often make the entire thing make a lot more sense as a whole. Meantime it often winds up just stuff. Left wondering, now what? Why is all this here? That kind of thing.

Images: 5 Aside from the last two images being too small to see, they seem to be fairly decent in of themselves. The comparisons of Michael Jackson makes a good turn on the previous image (though this could also qualify as a contradiction with the speaker's insistence that he really was black despite the skin disease... begs the question, is the speaker the one doing the images?)

So how are they sticking it? It's a start, but four pictures all sticking it to the man, while nice and redundant (in a good way, I think), could still do with, perhaps, variety of jokes stemming from that. Like the dog-bunny... thing. Which we cannot even see because the picture is so bloody small.

And the rainbow could do with some explanation, really. How is that...? Okay, I'm definitely missing something, here.

Miscellaneous: 5 Number of fluffiness and... er, black people. Yes. Overall impression, I mean. 5 is average, at any rate.
Final Score: 25 So, this probably comes across as a bit harsh, but that's really not my intent. You have some strength in this; the idea is there. The answer is there, just not in the greatest implementation - hopefully something in here will give you some ideas as to how to pull it out better.

Also, sorry for all of the parts that contradict each other and/or don't make sense. And sorry the numbers are so insane. And, er, good luck with the article if you ever get back to it (you really should; it's definitely a start)...

Reviewer: ~ Pointy *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) 06:14, October 16, 2010 (UTC)
6
Bloink
Concept
The idea, the angle, the grand funny of the article...
I am pretty culturally ignorant... so what about me? Why should I care about black people; I don't even know who most of those you named are. Normally, this would be all very well and fine, but for the fact that for the most part, you're only listing them. Going into detail about what examples they are, how wonderful they are as black people and better than the comparative white people... you have some of this, but more make it more in-depth, you know? And what about, perhaps, how their blackness in of itself has something to do with their success? An analytical approach will make it more clearly not just a coincidence.

I'll be honest... I'm reading the thing wondering, so? So besides the introduction, maybe answer the why more directly... tie the rest back in and conclude more, perhaps. That'd help. I think.

5
Bloink
Humour
The implementation, how funny the article comes out...
Overall funny, I hopefully hit in the concept, so I shan't repeat. Sectional:
  • For the record, I don't watch sports in general. I also cannot stand jazz and have never seen Pulp fiction. For me, this is funny because it is ironic; you've demonstrated that I already don't care and don't really have any reason to. What about black people even does make the stuff watchable, bearable, etc?
That aside, though, you should play on this 'advanced rhetoric' card more. You have celebrity examples; what other fallacies could be incorperated? Fallacies are good...
  • Athletics - Olympics, eh? They were started by the Greeks. Think they included blacks? (Seriously, I have no idea.) What's this about caucasians letting blacks in? How did that come about? Very conversational, this. Slips are normal in speech, but does one not take more care when attempting to convince?
If your speaker/s is/are glossing over the latino and asian populations, why are some of them named on both the white and black sides later?
I like the depiction of Welker.
Lucky basketball, going without saying. But aye...
  • Musical arts - 'We will start with'; 'I will touch upon later'... interesting, as he wanders off. Although why say those transitions at all? Unless you are trying to make a funny at expense of his not being there (there be plenty stronger jokes), they really don't serve much purpose. If he will get to it later, he can hint at it or include it in a general overview and then transition fluidly.
Interesting how Michael Jackson is a genre.
This retiring to the loo in the middle, it still has me a mite bemused, but it's not bothering me so much now. At first it had me utterly at a loss. Now it's striking me as, heh, random...
How does the other fellow figure out where the first left off, which he'd know if he'd been there all along?
And... I don't understand this fellow. What in the blazes is he talking about? Ach, so this is the one calling out hispanics or latinos or whatever as blacks, though... odd.
Er, that parenthesised statement at the end doesn't fit. Doesn't follow from the previous statement, and it's grammatically wrong.
  • Movies - o_O Well, the fellow seems... competent in the matter?
The transition back, though, now that's just... it's an article. It began with saying it's an article, to be read, at that. So why is an argument transcribed in an article by a guy (and another while he wanders off) who wants you to read it in his voice when the article was not actually written in real time? Or was it? If you take out the bit about it being an article and being read, that would fix that part of it, but the whole argument itself feels quite staged; default formatting text arguments usually do. Think of it like a novel or some such, though. How they do speakers... the things don't pull the mics out of each other's hands and argue.
  • Rainbow - Eh? Maybe if you said what this thing even is, or something... and then perhaps what point it's making... because I have no idea what is going on here. Doesn't fit the previous voice, either... looks like the article ended prematurely.
4
Bloink
Prose and formatting
Appearance, flow, overall presentation...
Mmm, this is bugging me. Who, exactly, is your speaker? What is even going on with that? Says it's Morgan Freeman, but then one's reading it in his voice? I've heard the notion of this before, things read in the "soothing voice of Morgan Freeman", but there has to be a less convoluted and strange way of putting it. And later, it... he goes to the bathroom? And this other fellow is conveniently there and starts off exactly where he left off... this not only confused me, but why even do it? I don't get it. They do seem to stay in character, at least... well, as far as I can tell. I don't actually know who they are.

Anyhoo, if you could have more of an evident reason for the transition of speakers, that might help. This bathrooming is so sudden. Hints leading up, maybe? I obviously missed them if there were any already. Or just ditch the idea of that entirely.

Since you are using specific speakers, it's difficult to tell what grammatical oddities are intentional or not, so I'll assume it's all what you meant to do and say, good job. After all, if you don't remember what you were trying to do, it must have been, anyhow.

Thing sure doesn't link much after the first section. Could make some funnies in the links... or just scatter around more pretty colours, at that. Or give people things to click on when they're clueless and for some reason think reading an Uncyclopedia article on the section will help...

Why the scoring? Seems an odd format. Although if you're going to go with that, you could really play it up, like the score is the all-important whatnot... maybe even have the score updated on new lines with large text or something... then again, that'd probably be taking it too far. Something to consider, I guess.

And finally... The more you know... is just not a strong ending. It needs a conclusion or something to pull in the ideas. To reinforce why all of that was answering the why. To say, this is why black people are important. This is why you should care. Don't actually say that, mind, but do that, if that makes any sense. Tie all of the examples together. Emphasize why, with them especially (that was why you focussed on them, right?), the blackness is important. You could also use it to put together the speakers, perhaps - have the second guy conclude to mirror the first introducing?

I may have said this before, (and if not, maybe I should have) but introducing and concluding a piece properly will often make the entire thing make a lot more sense as a whole. Meantime it often winds up just stuff. Left wondering, now what? Why is all this here? That kind of thing.

5
Bloink
Images
The graphics themselves, as well as their humour and relevance...
Aside from the last two images being too small to see, they seem to be fairly decent in of themselves. The comparisons of Michael Jackson makes a good turn on the previous image (though this could also qualify as a contradiction with the speaker's insistence that he really was black despite the skin disease... begs the question, is the speaker the one doing the images?)

So how are they sticking it? It's a start, but four pictures all sticking it to the man, while nice and redundant (in a good way, I think), could still do with, perhaps, variety of jokes stemming from that. Like the dog-bunny... thing. Which we cannot even see because the picture is so bloody small.

And the rainbow could do with some explanation, really. How is that...? Okay, I'm definitely missing something, here.

5
Bloink
Miscellaneous
Anything else... or not...
Number of fluffiness and... er, black people. Yes. Overall impression, I mean. 5 is average, at any rate.
25
Bloink
Final score
~ Pointy *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) 06:14, October 16, 2010 (UTC)
So, this probably comes across as a bit harsh, but that's really not my intent. You have some strength in this; the idea is there. The answer is there, just not in the greatest implementation - hopefully something in here will give you some ideas as to how to pull it out better.

Also, sorry for all of the parts that contradict each other and/or don't make sense. And sorry the numbers are so insane. And, er, good luck with the article if you ever get back to it (you really should; it's definitely a start)...

Personal tools
projects