Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Become a Headbanger

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edit Why?:Become a Headbanger

An article about a head banger convincing YOU to become one too! This is the first draft and, hopefully, a good draft as well. --Farley of the Sheep-Filled Meadows Try not to puke...(Please!) 22:17, 24 December 2007 (UTC)

Why?:Become a Headbanger
is being reviewed by
CajekHi!
Your Source for Fine Scented Pee
And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him

2 reviews in one day? How does he do it? --Mystified Populous 22:17, 24 December 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 6 avg of each section
  • Intro [6]

1990's, meet Farley Grey. He's kinda funny, but he isn't what you would call "a guy who is topical". He isn't "topical". I need a topical ointment for this one area.

  • 1 Firstly, There's Breaking Shit! [6]

I think you have a problem of going beyond what's necessary to get your point across. "When you've been a head banger as long as me, and, trust me, I've been one for a long time, you can't even feel your head!" was funny. "Someone could stick a fucking drill in my skull and I wouldn't feel it" wasn't. You do that a few times in this section and the introduction. It would be even funnier if you didn't have "!" after every joke. However, exclamation points work in this article.

  • 2 Oh man! I just remembered how pumped being a head banger gets you! [6]

Same problems. It's obvious that this is done sarcastically. That's bad: sarcasm isn't supposed to be obvious! I would suggest toning down the hate of head-bangers a little, first of all. Second, I would go more into HowTo in this. It would provide more material for this subject, although it doesn't really matter.

  • 3 The music, the fame, the money, and the chicks, man! [6]

same comments...

  • 4 ...okay, so I'm on a Stretcher. Big deal, man! [6]

same same same...

Concept: 5 I'm gonna go lower on concept than on execution with this. I think that means that you surprised me, and that, even at it's funniest, it isn't gonna get much better than this. The problem with the concept is that it's not like people hate headbangers enough to read an article being sarcastically hateful of them, or at least not enough for VFH. I think you need to write to a wider audience.
Prose and formatting: 6 below average formatting, spelling, etc. I think you should line up your pictures... make 'em nice. You overdo that <big> thing too much, I think.
Images: 6 I think the only picture that was any good was that air guitar. Everything else was crap, really, and didn't add anything to the article... maybe.
Miscellaneous: 5.8 {{Pee|6|5|6|6}}
Final Score: 28.8 I think you need to be more subtle with your application of sarcasm. Also, write to a wider audience.... I hope I helped, farley! I'm glad you're finally back!!!!
Reviewer:   Le Cejak <-> (Dec 26 / 17:48)


You've given me some good things to think about. This review did help, but I'm gonna need a few hours/days to think over the changes before I actually make them, unless I get on a roll. If I hit any roadblocks, you can expect that I'll be posting something on your talk page for help. ~ Farley of the Sheep-Filled Meadows Try not to puke...(Please!) 17:55, 26 December 2007 (UTC)

Definitely! Feel free.   Le Cejak <-> (Dec 26 / 17:57)
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