Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/White Castle

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Revision as of 19:29, July 19, 2010 by MacMania (talk | contribs)

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edit White Castle

  The* Lordarcadiansig (say shit) (My train wrecks) Π   ~  04:55, July 11, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 4.44 All right, so I'll give you the notes I took section by section.
  • Intro: Oh, White Castle. OK, mildly funny, I guess. Definitely play around some more with the Infobox, though, to squeeze every ounce of humour you can out of it.
  • History: Hurrah, studying histories of other countries finally pays off on this website! I love the irony that they don't try to improve the hygiene of their meat, but rather the hygiene of the restaurant environment. This is one of those times when I actually think a joke is too subtle and might not come across very easily. Also, period racism! Hurrah ... ? The company run by the founder's ghost is mildly funny, I guess, but not exactly hilarious.
  • Secret Recipe: ... okay, so maybe the rat joke's not too subtle after all. This section seems pretty out of place for me. I would integrate its content into the History section, talking about "recent revelations" about the recipe or something and squeeze that in right after mention of The Jungle.
  • ... wait, that's it? Nothing about products, marketing, philanthropy, lawsuits, menus, architecture (seeing that the name of the chain is White Castle, this might be something I'd pounce on to satirise, if I knew more about it)? This article needs more sections, more organisation, definitely more content and development. Nothing's hilarious, but nothing's bad either.
Concept: 5.41 I feel guilty giving a score for this because, frankly, I'm not sure what the concept is. Is it a racist restaurant, or a dirty restaurant, or both? Part of the problem is also how little developed this article is. You haven't allowed the potential in whatever idea you have to completely flourish, go mad, and destroy all life on th—did I say that aloud?
Prose and formatting: 6.66 Nothing special, basic decent formatting and pretty good orthography. Rather than =History=, though, you should use ==History==—smaller and prettier. Also, all caps gives people eye strain. Better to use bold or italic for emphasis. Oh, and add categories at the bottom of your article code! Like: [[Category:WHATEVER CATEGORY YOU LIKE]].

See? Strains your eyes like crazy.

Images: 4.48 Needs more of them, and needs funnier captions. Like that last image, for instance, which has at least a mildly humorous caption. That early logo is I guess funny, but it would be even funnier if you milked that joke some more in the next image's caption or the article text or somewhere.
Miscellaneous: 4.26 Overall it's just too undeveloped for me to give a good miscellaneous score. I don't even know if this has potential: all I know about White Castle is that Sulu from the Star Trek reboot and Kutner from House MD wanted to go there once. I say, keep working on it. Flesh out the sections a bit more. In fact, flesh out the table of contents a bit more. I'm not kidding. Have an outline of what sections you'll be writing, and it give you a sense of direction and concept.
Final Score: 25.25 Recap: racism or hygiene (or both), more sections, more content, categories, sectioning (don't worry, I'm the one that's getting sectioned, not you), Sulu and Kutner. Hope this helps.
Reviewer: MacManiasig.png MacManiasig-cheerios.png MacManiasig-holmes.png MacManiasig-starwars.png MacManiasig-firefly.png MacManiasig-pixar.png MacManiasig-oregon.png MacManiasig-lesmiz.png MacManiasig-doctor.png 16px-HalLogo.png Portal16px.png UncycLensFlare16px.pngDalek16px.png 16px-ChekhovSig.png16px-JapanSig.png Sir MacMania GUN[19:29 19 Jul 2010]
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