Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/White (colour)

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edit White (colour)

Just rewrote this to try and get it back to something worthwhile after the constant vandal attacks.  In case you have some difficulty with it:

  • PC: Ctrl + A will select the whole lot of it so you can read the text.  
  • Mac: I have no idea, but probably similar to PC.
  • iPhone: it will show up as a completely white screen, and selecting the text won't allow you to read it, but you can then copy it and paste to notepad and read it there.                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 Thursday, 00:34, Dec 23 2010 UTC

Command+A will do it for Mac. --ComradeSlice, Grue Army (92 Squadron)  06:34, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

I'll review it. It'll be done soonish. --FishDish 01:50, December 23, 2010 (UTC)

Just a touch over 24 hours - any other takers?                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 Wednesday, 23:50, Dec 29 2010 UTC
Never fear, Bevanz is here! User:Bevanz/sig 09:23 31-Dec-10
Humour: 7 The main joke of the article is, obviously, the fact that it is entirely white. That made me laugh at first. The text itself does have some humor, however I didn't find that much to be too funny. The very first time I saw the article, I kind of just skimmed it and assumed that the page being entirely white was the only joke. Although I appreciate reading well-worded and intelligent sounding articles, it kind of threw me off at first. I'm not certain if this was just my first impression, or if it would kind of be a general thing, you can probably ignore this part, as I am unsure if it is that much of a problem.

Beyond that, it seems that there is one or two jokes per section; "White is white, coming from white, meaning white, perceived as white", "coloured people and gays are impure", "Germans are most pure", "KKK uniforms dictate ultimate authority". To be honest, if it wasn't for the fact that everything on the article is white, I would probably have scored humor lower, as the last three jokes are pretty much just generic racist jokes, and this is an article about the color white.

The opening jokes that involve the repetition of white, and the KKK uniform jokes are probably the only ones I find to be particularly appropriate. "...Hue (coloured) or grayness (gay) are impure... lack any pigmentation (whitey)" seems like they were just tacked on to make light of a dull part, and the part going into Germans just seems entirely out of place. I know it is still expanding on hue and pigmentation and such, however, I am sure there is a ton of German jokes everywhere else on Uncyc, and I don't think White (Colour) really needs it.

On the subject of repetition, I think you should add "White" to all of the section titles, just an idea, but I think it brings out the WHITE more.

I think the article could use more jokes. Perhaps you could go into some bit about particles, such as photons and the like (I also had a stupid idea for something like "Whitetons" or something, which you could explain as being superior to other particles). I am sure there are other jokes you could go into about white clothing. Perhaps making a joke about the tradition of using white dresses for weddings where they are a virgin, or something about the 'white after Labor Day' tradition (which, admittedly, you may not know about if you are British, but it is some fashion thing (which, I also don't know about, even though I am not British)). Ummmm, and maybe white hair jokes? White bread (honestly not entirely certain if you could make a paragraph about this, just came to me while writing something down below)? Just tossing out a few suggestions that come to me off the top of my head, anyways.

Concept: 9 'Article about white being entirely white'. Pretty solid concept. However, you start to deviate from that after the first paragraph in "Perception". The small bits of racism, while they can be funny in the right place, distract from the central concept of everything being white which is white white white white white...
Prose and formatting: 7 For the most part, the article continues in an encyclopedic tone. However, there were a few times where you broke that tone. I found that to be more of an interruption to the flow than helping to deliver punch lines. I think you should consider rewriting some sentences:
  • The intro has a couple problems; "...greatest ever colour...", I believe it should be "greatest colour, ever". The second sentence in the intro looks to me like there should be more commas. I believe it aught to be: "However, this is a misnomer, as white is not a colour, but a tone, and is in many ways the absence of colour." But, then you get into it approaching a run-on sentence. If I were you, I would change it into:
White is often referred to as the greatest colour (or color, for those that cannot write in English), ever. This, however is a misnomer. White is not a color, but a tone, and in many ways is the absence of colour.
And, you might even try expanding that intro a bit more. Maybe reiterating that it is great; "it still is, however, the greatest absence of colour ever" or something. The intro aught to briefly go in to what is covered in the article. Perhaps add on that "white is a favo(u)red tone for many applications, such as clothing, paint, white-out, hair", etc, etc. 
  • "Aren't you glad that you have us here to educate you?" Asking a question really breaks the flow, since you don't talk in first person anywhere else in the article. You could replace it with something else that isn't in first person, however, I think that the repetition in the etymology section is probably funny enough without pointing it out. (Side note: The section is titled "Entymology", where it should be "Etymology".)
  • I also think you can entirely get rid of "(Not to be confused with pure bread, although that is also white.)", or perhaps expand it into a section of its own? White bread is something that I will add up above as a possible joke. Anyways, it doesn't really offer much to the paragraph, besides making a pun. The pun is even a little bit of a stretch, since I am unaware of anything known as "Pure bread", and cannot find anything on Google about it (except the name of a deli in Delaware.)

Ignoring the fact that everything is white, the formatting appears to be pretty standard for an article. 

Images: 9 Appropriate image, made me laugh. So did the caption. I don't think there needs to be anything else in terms of images (unless you start getting it to be a longer article, where you might think about seeing if you could pull off more jokes with that same plain-white image.)
Miscellaneous: 10 For "Miscellaneous", I'll address the coding. Your idea is very creative, and you seem to have working with wikicode down really well to accomplish articles like this and at least one other that I've seen. It took me a second, but I laughed when I first opened it. 

There does appear to be a flaw with it being replaced with an entirely white page, however. The "Article" link on the top, and the Navigation, Search, and Language toolboxes on the left panel are all still visible. I still give you a ten, assuming that the flaws in how it is displayed might just be inherent in the way the coding works. 

Overall, the highest point of the article from my point of view was the ingenious and creative coding to pull that off.

Final Score: 42 My overall impression was that this is a great idea, and the primary joke of the article was executed almost flawlessly. Most of my suggestions here are issues with the content of the article, however I find the article as a whole to be damn good. Good work!

And one other thing, I looked at an older version, and I commend you for entirely rewriting the article, as it was filled with stupidity before you came in.User:Bevanz/sig 09:36 31-Dec-10

Reviewer: Boom, tchk tchk, boom boom, tch-tchk User:Bevanz/sig 09:23 31-Dec-10
That's honestly all I was after. That, and making an entirely white article. Might change text to 25% grey.                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 Friday, 10:25, Dec 31 2010 UTC
Naw, not 25%... I think it is better entirely white, but if you think people won't figure it out, maybe like barely grey, like 10%. User:Bevanz/sig 13:05 31-Dec-10
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