This is the first article I ever wrote, way back in my noob days. Infact I just looked at the history, and it looks like I didn't even have an account when I first wrote it. Anyway, I know it's really bad, but I'm feeling uninspired right now. Please help. Thanks. -- 01:25, March 22, 2011 (UTC)
The article has a funny tone throughout. Its clear you have a witty sense of humour and like to throw everything in a different and zany direction. that being said, I didnt really laugh at any point in the article. The one moment I did chuckle a bit was "you see princess peach regularly cheated on Mario". But apart from that its all cute but not funny. Not that all of the lines cannot be quickly turned into really hysterical ones. But I think they all need developing. Every line is a one liner. Every joke is a quick little zinger. Dont take this bad, but you are ALL OVER THE PLACE in this article and to make it funny (let alone to have a concept talked about later) it has to be contained. The analogy that works is, a small yappy silly dog running around is funny, then it doing something similar is funny and then in the progress getting itself into a conundrum is funny. But 50 yapping dogs all running around yapping is cute but a waste of so many good ideas and lots of little zingers but no hahaha jokes let alone a true laugh out loud moment. The intro to the article starts off really well, there, there is a build up, a story, irony but then the article immediately runs off in a completely different direction. If you could develop each section just as the intro is written, with that energy and putting more though into the dilivery of the jokes this article would be helarious. "Princess is a slutty whore face bitch" is funny in a, yeah she is isnt she kind of way but "Mario spent so many times jumping up and down hitting that coin box, hitting it again and again until he got as many coins as it would give to get enough gold to have an extra life to go save the princess while unknown to him, bowzer was tapping at the princess herself, tapping her again and again and again only the coin box would run cold but the princess could never get enough tapping from the dragon". Thats not comedy gold, but you get the idea, its more than just "Mario and the Princess are fucked up sluts".
Moving onto the concept. It seems to be that the princess is a slut, bowser is a bad mo fo and mario is a poor sucker who sucked off luigi. Thats okay. But im not sure its a stellar concept. This could very easily be turned into something a little more 2 dimentional and even three dimentional. Wouldnt it maybe be a little more ironic if Mario didnt know? If you kept describing mario questing to get the princess back, alternating with the pricness cheating on him with various characters? That would add atleast one dimention and give sturcture to the article. Otherwise its just people being lame assholes to each other and doing shitty things and saying how fucking wak they are. Adding a third dimention would perhaps add a darker element. That Princess infact doesnt care if MArio suceeds and makes his quests even harder and harder (explaining all the crazy things about the game) and also why all the villains are overly macho sex crazed looking things. Anyways, these are just suggestions but in anycase this article could definately use something more than "hey, Mario and Princess are total sluts and fuck everything" and a couple lists.
Prose and formatting:
The flow of the article is infact really good. I like the energy in your writing. The way you break the paragraphs. For the love of god I will apply that right now to my artiles, its something I havent done before. The rest of the article kind of goes all over the place and the lists destroy the flow even more. Though i didnt see any big spelling or grammar errors.
The second and third image are pretty fitting. I know there are lots of good parody images of all the characters out there. I encourage you to really find some stellar ones and put them in here. Also, the placement of the image is just as importat as the ones you use. Dont forget that chopping photos make articles amazing and other users will do it for you if you ask nice, or not.
10 encouragement points cause this article is bursting with energy and ideas.
This article is waiting to be helarious, awsome and amazing shiz niz. Think about it, give it another dimention and turn the great material (which can easily be converted into funny and concept driven) into awsome!!!!