Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/What Uncyclopedia Is
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|Humour:||4||Starting a little outside of the article at the moment, but there is a reason, so bear with me. Push when I tell you to push.
Okay, so I put this review on the queue, and I'm reviewing it. The reason it was put in the queue is that a forum was started for feedback on an article. Generally when anyone is after feedback they should be using the Pee review system.
This was set up as a way to take articles from bad, poor, or okay to good or featured status by providing feedback. This means that the ideal for an article is to become a feature.
Now there are a few things that will make an article float or sink on VFH that you won't be aware of until you:
HTBFANJS is a guide page. It is not a be all and end all, and it is not policy. But as a guide line, it is extremely useful. Think about it like a ruler. It is possible to draw a straight line without a ruler, but if you need to draw a straight line many people will use a ruler. (And I mean straight edge, not head of state.)
So when I review, I bring in a few different factors.
So, in short, I'm coming at this from what could be classed as an expert opinion. I'm not infallible - I fally with the best of them - but it will help to listen.
One thing you will learn fast is in-jokes rarely work. Stale jokes never work.
The difference between the two may not be plainly obvious. Cowbell is an in-joke. Grue is an in-joke. This means to understand the joke you have to have a good understanding of a particular group sense of humour, in regards to both of these it's the uncyclopedia culture.
Kanye West is a stale joke. Eminem and South Park are stale jokes. This means they are elements of jokes that have been used way too much, and lose their humour value. Does this mean that they can't be used again? No, but they cannot be a huge part of an article.
What Uncyclopedia is is, by it's very name, an in-joke. I recently worked on an article called Uncyclopedian. It failed at VFH due to being too in-jokey.
So your humour, and your concept, bother rely upon two stale jokes, and a number of in-jokes. Does this mean the article is bad? No! It means that the jokes are so familiar to everyone here they won't get a laugh. It also means that any newcomers to the site won't get the humour.
|Concept:||4||So on to the next point. What you have written is effectively a song. HTBFANJS talks a bit about the "frame" of your article.
In short, mainspace articles are a parody of encyclopaedic - particular Wikipedia - articles. These are written from an impartial observer point of view. UnNews is for news articles, and editorial/opinion pieces. UnTunes is for songs.
A good UnTune has a recorded element. Not everyone has the ability to record a song well.
I really don't have that ability.
But I have written a couple of UnTunes. I choose to ignore my one recording of an UnTune - it was horrid. None of my UnTunes have made it to a feature because of this lack.
|Prose and formatting:||6||Prose, spelling, and grammar are significant in an article working. If I don't understand a joke, or have to read it a few times, it will lose it's impact.
While your spelling is fine, you've chosen to do something in the style of a rap. This means that you're forced to sacrifice grammar for style, but that also means you've had to sacrifice the humour as part of this as well.
Your formatting is okay, but has a huge amount of whitespace. Those means that your content is a lot less than your length appears to make out. Think of it as being a well endowed but selfish lover.
|Images:||5||The images are small and add very little actual humour. I'm not going to say much more on that at this stage, as there are other issue here that you may need to address first.
But you may need to source better images that work with each other. Has there been an Eminem parody on South park? Can you make an Eminem image in South Park style? (I know there is a "make a custom South Park character" online somewhere. Don't ask me where though.)
|Miscellaneous:||7||There is some skill in writing in this article. The issue is that you've fallen into a trap that catches a lot of new users. Most of us have written in-joke/stale joke articles at some stage.
My suggestion at this stage is to move this to the UnTunes space. This has enough skill in it that it should survive, but not enough to make it a feature.
Leave it alone for now and look at other things you can write on. I'd suggest trying your hand at an UnNews article as a place to start, as most people are probably more aware of how a news article reads then an encyclopaedic article.
|Reviewer:||Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 02:11 20 Mar|