Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/We Are Your Best Friend (re-sub)

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edit We Are Your Best Friend

Erm yeah, didn't exactly get the most positive review last time but I've made some changes and I think it's a bit better now. Looking for an In-depth review please. SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 22:39 14 July 2008

I'll claim this one - it looks interesting... User-Gladstone-icon Rt Hon W E Gladstone MP GOM | Converse | Icons-flag-gb Yorks Rose 13:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
Gladstone The Rt Hon W Gladstone, MP, GOM is currently discharging the contents of his bladder in the vicinity of this particular contribution. You are cordially advised to stand well back, as decades of consorting with courtesans has left his aim somewhat lacking in containment!
Humour: 6.7 It's good - it's taking a well-used concept and working it into Uncyclopedic humour.
  • Opening paragraph -6- Hmmm. Difficult to really say about the opening paragraph - it says what you want it to say, but I'm not sure it really engages in the way you might want it to do. My two feelings about it - firstly, the web address is too wide and spoils the effect - I'd be inclined to reduce it to BYSWGOYFLA (as per what IWOOT do for theirs. Maybe even have to so it works out as a funny acronym (I've tried to think of one, but I can't come up with any right now!) Secondly, The second sentence could be more subtle. If it were me writing, I'd couch it in less harsh terms, while still saying the same thing. For instance, perversions is a bit obvious; maybe use own peculiar tastes
  • Our Selection Just For You! -7- This is a great opportunity to get some real digs in. If you look at Amazon, it tells you what you've bought previously when saying what you might be interested in - why not try the same here? You've got it with the Insomnia link, but it would work well with the others. "You got turned down last month for a mortgage - but don't worry! While Terrestrial Real Estate is out of your reach, get your spacesuit gloves on a prime square mile of Pluto?" "Your Prozac prescription ends this month - what better time to read Tarquin Middleton's latest wrist-slash feast?" and so on.
  • Need Ideas For Christmas or Birthdays?-7- It took me a little while to get this bit (see 'concept' below, though it didn't help that I'd not realised they were arranged in rows. (Perhaps a formatting issue? I'm at work on a 21" screen, so that may have something to do with it). Anyway, the comments are similar to above - make more of the reasons why the particular gifts are tailored to the particular person. It works really well for the lover, but it's not clear in the blurb why the wife would want a back street abortion.
Concept: 8 Right, so... It's basically Gnome-Mart isn't it? (For those plebs among you who don't read Private Eye, it's a centre-page cartoon spread that they always have in the Christmas edition with lots of dodgy spoof gifts). Anyway - inherently, it's a funny concept, and the gifts/books are generally well executed, if a little random in places. I'm not sure how well the "We are your best friend" concept fits with it though - the bit about mother/wife/kids/15 year old distured piece on the side seems a bit, well, "Peep Show"-ish. And I never really got "Peep Show", so it's probably me.

My one query really is the gifts bit - it took me ages to work out that they're arranged in rows (Ok, so I am having a retard day...). Perhaps it's worth using some sub-headings to point it out?

Prose and formatting: 8.5 You know what you're doing, so I feel a bit of a fraud even trying to comment on this bit!

It's easy for me to read as a fellow Brit, your prose is good and generally well punctuated. There's a couple of little splling errors/gramatical mistakes, but it'll be easier for me to edit the article than to try and list them all.

My one issue about the formatting is that it took me a while in the second section to work out that they were in rows (Ok, so I am having a retard day...). Perhaps it's worth using some sub-headings to point it out? Point off (plus half for the typos) as it spoiled the joke slightly for me.

Images: 7 Sounds harsh? They're all good pictures - but they're a bit dry. That's not why I've marked it down though - oh no. It's a spoof of an online store, right? So GIVE ME A LOGO! (ahem). I don't care how crap it is, but the top welcome bit should have a logo on it.
Miscellaneous: 7.6 Average of previous scores.
Final Score: 37.8 It's nearly there - I think it's getting close to the finished article. There's just sort of odd bits which need touching up really.
Reviewer: --User-Gladstone-icon Rt Hon W E Gladstone MP GOM | Converse | Icons-flag-gb Yorks Rose 14:31, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
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