Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Warner Music Group
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My article is not as good as it turned out. Any Suggestions?
DJ Mixerr 03:30, March 10, 2011 (UTC)
- I believe a review is in order. (talk) 03:56, March 10, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||As it is currently, the humor is a little lost as the concept for the article isn't exactly clear. As I talk about below it reads as both a satire of the company and an attack article against it. Regarding the ICU that Lyr tagged on your article: there is quite a bit here that is random, the intro section in particular is fairly random, but ironing out the concept of the entire article should fix these random bits of humor. I think the best thing you can do right now is to make the article less about nonsense and more about something (explained more below.)
This article reads as a page that was written just to hate on the WMG. You need to make it seem like the narrator is more impartial and the organization is actually an evil empire that would love nothing more than to take down every video on youtube. In my opinion this article should read more like an article on the holocaust, only exaggerated for comic effect, and about videos. You start to touch this subject in the section "resistance" which makes other video hosting sites seem like safe havens that were set up in France and other places during WWII.
In the "spread to other sites" you seem to degrade back into random humor. A lot of it doesn't make sense, which is very bad for such a short section. I do like the joke about the videos leaving nothing but a red link, but that's about all that I think should be kept regarding this section. The last line doesn't really work as the rest of the article is about WMG deleting videos, not claiming them. If, instead, they found and kidnapped you for writing an article about them that would be a little bit better, although I don't think either of those ideas is funny.
|Concept:||5||As of now you seem to have two different concepts in this article. The first is that WMG is a fascist organization like that acts like the real life WMG, but is much more strict on what videos contain "their" music. The second concept is that they are hunting down innocent videos on video hosting sites and either stripping their audio tracks or deleting them off the sites entirely. I think this second one is the one you are trying to use in the rest of the article as it makes the WMG seem like the Nazis in the 1940's, rounding up videos and "gassing" them. It's this parallel that I think you should stick with as it's probably the cleverest, even though comparing things to the Nazis is as old as...well probably the Nazi party. In this case, though, I think it works in this case as they are doing to videos what the Nazis did to the Jews, gays, gypsies etc. (and one clown.)
Making your concept more clear and making it the same throughout the article would be what I recommend working on first. However, you seem to have two starting paragraphs, the first and second ones. You could probably combine these two to make one paragraph as these two paragraphs also seem to have differing concepts. I think that eliminating the satanic references should also be a priority as right now you seem to just combine everything that is "evil" into one company.
Lastly, in the "trivia" section you contradict yourself with having WMG blame people for stealing music, which presumably is why they want to take the music down, but then they also want people to listen to their music...but not on the internet I guess? You also just have "The dictators of youtube" as one of the points, they don't control youtube they just can threaten to sue if a video is violating copyright laws. I would have to recommend reading the wikipedia article for this group, especially the controversies section, to get a better idea of what to write on.
|Prose and formatting:||4||This article is formatted fairly well. However, you have quite a bit of white space that could be eliminated. If you aren't going to add any more sections I would add a __NOTOC__ to the top of the article to get rid of your table of contents. Right now that table is adding about 3 inches of white space that really doesn't need to be there since you can read almost your entire article without scrolling even on my tiny little screen. There also seems to be an extra space at the end of the "resistance" section that can probably be easily eliminated.
There are a number of places in this article where the prose doesn't flow very well at all. It seems a lot like you wrote a sentence and then went back and changed it, but forgot to take out a couple words. I'll list the ones that I see while skimming through the article again.
I might have missed a few, but these are examples of what I'm talking about. You either didn't finish your thought or simply have words missing in these sentences. A couple of these are easy fixes, but there are a few that I have no idea what you mean.
Also make sure you use the right your and you're; they're, there and their; and then and than.
|Images:||6||Your images are pretty good. The first two really fit the article well in terms of size and position. However, I'm not sure a gun is the best image to use for an organization who operates mostly on the internet (at least as far as this article is concerned.) Maybe a picture of a corporate "fat cat" on a computer presumably flagging youtube videos or a tech support guy e-mailing youtube about copyright violation, or a shopped picture of the Predator (mentioned in the caption) at a computer. A gun just doesn't really fit. The caption on this pic is good, though, but it doesn't really make people laugh which is really what images should be going for. The swastika image is really good and has a pretty funny caption on it. I wouldn't change this one at all as it fits the article especially if you're going to make it more of a comparison to Nazi Germany. The last image, right now doesn't fit the article or the caption. It's just a picture of a douchebag smoking. In my mind a huge corporation like WMG wouldn't employ people like this except if they were just out of college and have high hopes, and then they would be super busy doing menial tasks, not representing the company. If you changed the picture to someone who was super rich, maybe drinking some wine and smoking a cigar, I could see that being someone who was more the face of a company like this. Changing the pic should make the caption funnier as well, but right now the image is really small so you might want to make it bigger and thus more eye catching.|
|Miscellaneous:||6||Score = Overall "feel" of the article.
The template at the top isn't really funny. It's also very big. I'm not exactly sure who made it or for what purpose, but it just distracts the reader more than anything else right now. On most of my review I just ignored the template due to the fact that it really isn't part of the article right now. Also, the image in it is a duplicate of one you're already using which takes away from the article you've written. I would recommend getting rid of the template unless it actually is illegal to read this article in those countries (in which case it should be changed to actually be funny, but that isn't your problem.)
|Final Score:||26||Ok start to an article you have here, just make sure you know what you actually want to write about and keep that consistent.|