Devoid of any humor. Instead, I found randomness abundant in every poorly structured and misspelled sentence. According to both HTBFANJS, which you obviously should have another look at, and my own personal funny bone, randomness is not the same thing as humor. I think the only real redeemable bit in here, which took a bit of deciphering on my part, was the bit about drinking "...an obsceen number (eight) of cups of tea..." which wasn't too bad. That's what convinces me that you are, in fact, capable of writing redeemable humor. It's just going to take some refinement. I think that, should you decide to hang around the site, you will develop a more mature sense of humor, which will in turn improve your writing. It's just going to take time and effort.
Virtually no concept. Maybe this would make more sense if I were British. But I doubt it. For the most part, I just don't get it. What is this article supposed to be about? You make it very hard for the reader to have any guess as to what the hell you're even talking about. I'm having a hard time giving you any points for this article, since this seems more like just some mindless ramblings of a drunk than anything else. It's no good, and if I were you, I would either develop this concept into something coherent and funny to your readers or just drop the whole thing altogether and just find something new to write about.
Prose and formatting:
Your grammar and spelling is just awful. I don't think I've ever seen such terrible grammar submitted to Pee Review before. If you're not so good with spelling and such, it's alright. Not everyone is good at something right away. It just takes practice. But since this is a website that focuses on writing lengthy articles, I suggest you pay a little more attention to your spelling, your sentence structure, and your grammar. Also, try submitting articles to the Proofreading Service before submitting them to the mainspace.
No images here, so I have nothing to grade. 0 images = 0 points. An article like this could benefit greatly from some visual gags. It wouldn't be that hard to put kettles on someone's hands and have them chasing after some poor guy down the street. Try coming up with some clever images for this article. The right images can add a lot to an article.
Averaged your score, I've got nothing else for you.
Overall, I can't think of any other way to say it. This is a terrible article. How it has survived this long on the mainspace is beyond me. What you plan to do with this article is up to you. I would recommend signing up for an account so that you can move this to your namespace before it gets deleted, because this will probably get deleted here in about 5 days when that construction tag expires. I don't really like construction tags. It's much better and safer to write your articles in the safety of your own namespace. You should probably consider making an account if you plan on writing more articles. I hope you plan on sticking around!