Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Viking Metal

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edit Viking Metal

ShabiDOO 21:18, March 17, 2011 (UTC)

Humour: 7.5 (dont forget to revisit my review during the competition, a lot of it still applies okay!!!) I still find the Oslo, fashion capital of the world funny. Its funny because in the fashion world people never stop making everything seem like its the best, its creative, its inspried by, its evidently emmediately engagingly ominously POW! You can still incorporate that in the theme of the article. I think if its funny, in an article of this size it will never get tiring. I also see that you have changed the tone in some paragraphs to keep this in the absolute present. This is a great idea, as though it is LIVE television, we are at the show giving it an even greater nervous sense of NOW NOW oh my god FASHION!!! AYYY!!! If you do this, best to make sure the entire article is like this and to play it up. I also see that you have injected more viking dialogue into the article. All I can say is that you should be careful that the text is injected because it adds something and or humorous rather than to make it seem viking like. It is already DRPIPPING with vikingness, and im not sure you have to hit us over the head with it unless its necessary. There are a few moments where it is bordering on cheesy, in my humble opinion such as: warcry, helmet adorning etc... It might be a little funnier in some places if you can find a way to make extra masculine and non pretentious fashion seem feminine and pretentious by using more fashion like adjectives such as "Notice how the steel helmet boldly and flawlessly kisses his giant nordic head and how her sword strap caresses across her perfect chest like a Dumaurier silk sash" but, funnier than that. Just a suggestion. Theres a lot more interaction between the reporter and the designers, nmodels vikings. This is a great idea. Is there any way to play up the contrast there might be between a fashion reporter and such real life characters? There are infact a lot of changes, and they have polished your article, but are there any new LOL moments. I like the new captions great idea, but, again, for a long article I think there ought to be a couple more deep gut laughs.
Concept: 9 Your concept has improved drasticly by keeping the tone, as Ive said before immediate, NOW NOW NOW FASHION!!! Think about what I have said, about contrasting reporting from the ever changing and pretentious fashion world and the dripping machismo world of the Nordics even more. Youve obviously done it but there is so much room for contrastive humour and some other very creative elements you can add especially towards the end.
Prose and formatting: 8 Just be careful with how you phrase things to not let the poetics interfere with the flow of the article. Your flowery writing adds so much to all your articles, but I suggest you ask yourself in each sentence, does this embelishment and evocative language help or cut the flow a little? Is it funny or getting heading to the border of corny? Its all very well written (thoguh you might thinking of adding a few more headings and cutting the text into a few more paragraphs). Dont ask me to proof read this though hahaha! Im the worst speller here.
Images: 6 Dont be mad, but Ive given you a 6 cause I havent really seen a change in the pictures. To me atleast within your concept, they should all say, fashion show, viking, funny and I just don´t see it.
Miscellaneous: 9 I give you a ten cause it was 3rd place in the Happy Monkey competition but minus one point cause I still think you should put a fair bit of thinking and work into all of the categories Ive written about above. Im sure it will be featured ASAP after you touch this up and polish it.
Final Score: 39.5 :) :) :) :)
Reviewer: --ShabiDOO 21:18, March 17, 2011 (UTC)
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