Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Using Jokes Properly (Third Review)

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edit Using Jokes Properly

Indepth pleaseIwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 20:07, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 8 OK, the humour is obviously the focal point of your article and as such it does the job reasonably. The jokes are quite amusing and their context does add to this somewhat. The jokes that you use in the prose part of your article are the ones that I would regard as the problem. Your humour is not very subtle and the punch-lines are very blunt. Subtle humour can, in some cases, be much funnier. I would point out the part where you say "DO NOT FUCKING SAY A MOM JOKE AROUND THAT PERSONS MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" while the point comes across it might be more amusing to say something like "It would be a bad idea to make one of these jokes when that person's mother is within earshot, as she might kill you, probably by sitting on you."
Concept: 7 The concept of your article is good and I might become featured with work. My chief complaint is that you seem unsure of whether you want to narrate this from a purely encyclopedic perspective or as though you are teaching. Your consistently shifting tone throws this into doubt as you switch from the first-person to the third-person frequently. Saying "Don't make racist jokes about your own race (idiot)" breaks the tone of the article shifting it from informative third-person to critical first person, try and stay consistent throughout the article. If you are unsure as to the tone to strike I would echo Elchileno74's comments from the last review and suggest you revisit the idea of putting this article into the HowTo category, where I think the tone you need to strike would become more obvious (have a look at the way they write, or take a look at the article I was directed to when writing a HowTo, which exemplifies what I think is the best tone for your article). Your article by it's very title implies that you are teaching, as do you in the first paragraph so why not add it to uncyclopedia's section for such articles? Also try to avoid profanity, while it works at times, it can ruin the professional subtle humour that make the best articles.
Prose and formatting: 8 Your prose and formatting are absolutely fine, the only reason for the score is the spelling errors, which plague your article a couple of times per paragraph. I am very pleased to see that you followed the advice in the last review about formatting and as far as I can see there are no further difficulties with it. With regards to the spelling errors, this is easily fixed, read yourself for typos and grammar or run it through UN:PS
Images: 10 The images are very good and compliment your article very well, they add to the humour and flow seamlessly with the text. As I can see the only addition would be done with the tone shift I refer to above on the image in the 'Your Mom' category.
Miscellaneous: 8 My overall grade of the article
Final Score: 41 A very solid article that is only marred by some tonal confusion and a couple of humour difficulties. My recommendation would be to move the article into the HowTo category and revisit some of the humour and tone choices. Otherwise the article as fine as it is. Good luck with any edits and with getting it featured.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 19:06, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
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