Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:fuentfue/negative potato
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Can't. Had an awesome review, but then my laptop over heated. I'm out of time. 22.214.171.124 21:01, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
- Whoops, that was me. Staircase CUNt 21:02, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
- If Staircase can't do it, I'll be happy to. But he can redo it if he wants.
|Concept, which must be|
the basis of your article
if I'm using this template:
|7||I must admit, I did not expect this article to be even remotely as good as it was. I actually thought it would be terrible, but you beat my expectations brilliantly. Unfortunately, in the concept section I value originality over all else, and this article quite blatantly states that it's copied from a sister project. However, the article still does a fantastic job of establishing and building on the concept, so it still deserves a good score.|
|Humor, without a second u,|
because I'm American:
|8||The humor in this article is great, but there are a few weak points. The beginning especially seems to suffer from lack of imagination, as I never really laughed until the line "If you haven’t understood, read this chapter one more time". Now, this isn't to say that all of the jokes beforehand are bad, nor that none of the ones afterward are as good. There are actually quite a few good jokes in the first part, they just don't manage to match the great jokes in the second. The humor in this article is quite above-par, so much so that after reading the highly entertaining second part, the opening seems especially forgettable.
Unfortunately, I can think of no specific suggestions for improving the opening of the article, but can give you some specifics for the second part and the article as a whole. I have a couple suggestions to start. The first pertains to multiplying negative potatoes. Given that much of the humor here is focused on lampshading mathematical concepts, (I personally think that) you should have the -3 x -3 end up with a single casserole, possibly lamenting on the loss of the other casserole. For suggestion two, I think that, instead of saying "pegative notato", you should have the mirror universe use an existing variation on English, like Pig Latin. This wouldn't fit very well with establishing that the mirror universe is, in fact, a mirror universe, but it could add anywhere between 2 and 6 laughs. As suggestion three, I think that, after the recipe for orange juice, you should give a warning on the consequences of using positive potatoes before the negative ones. Just a thought. I'm aware that all of these suggestions are quite specific, but I also intentionally left the details vague, as this is your article and I have little doubt that you could pull them off far more skilfully than I could.
As a final note, I would like to point out that, in my opinion, the best part of this article is the role of casseroles in any and all experiments. It's extremely subtle, but when I noticed I laughed/chuckled/grinned amusedly for quite some time.
|Your spelling and grammar,|
which probably sucks:
|9||I noticed no spelling or grammar errors. I'm giving you a nice, short reprieve here after my overly-wordy section above. Enjoy it while it lasts.|
|Images, or lack of:||8||The images are all quite good, and their corresponding captions are excellent. I do think that the article should have just one more image, somewhere in the middle of the article, because the four existing images are all grouped at the top and bottom of the article. Alternatively, you could just move the images and leave it be.|
|Miscellaneous, not averaged,|
despite what some would
have you believe:
|5||I honestly had no idea what to put here, so I just turned my head and pressed a button on the number pad. Then I felt guilty about giving you a three so I tried it again, and you ended up with a plus. Then you ended up with another three. Then I missed the number pad altogether. So just count yourself lucky you got what you did!|
|Final Score, totaled, as most|
would have you believe:
|37||I very much enjoyed reading this article, but, as I pounded into your head earlier, I didn't think much of it until just before halfway through. After seeing your capabilities in the second part of the article, I am confident that you can remedy this and turn the entire article into a highly enjoyable read. Until that day, I will sit in my high chair glowering down upon you, watching you tremble in imperfect agony, awaiting the day that this article finally appears on VFH. And with that, I bid you good night, and good luck.|
|Me:||05:10, 4 July 2009 (UTC)|