Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:YesTimeToEdit/Pull Over (2)
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Reviewed before. I've done a bit more on it since. But this is about two years old...so I just want an opinion on where it's at. —[21:28 8 August 2010]
- I'll give a go at this peeing thing again. Leutnant Herr Thatdamnedfollowspot 03:01 Saturday, September 11, 2010
|Humour:||8||Your article is funny. It takes two simple words and delightfully turns them into a scenario that is both entertaining and lighthearted. I'm not too sure as to why it's still in your userspace and not in the Uncyclopedia namespace, but something like this doesn't belong cooped up in a userspace.
This could easily be a featured article with a bit of tweaking here and there and some polishing. The way that you present the article is all well and good, but there are a few continuity issues, particularly with how you use the words "shit" and "shits" interchangeably. That's one thing that needs working on. The phrase "shits" is plural, and here you don't use it in a plural form, you just use it as an alternative for shit. Sorry for dwelling on that, but that bugged me. Moving on.
Something that I found amusing with regards to the article is how the article goes from relatively normal to absurd. For example, the narrator goes from wondering about running the officer over to it turning into an undercover police sting on racism.
The ending is a tad too short for my liking. Although it fits, it seems a bit too short in contrast with the rest of the article. I think that you could expand on it a bit.
|Concept:||7.5||Good, original concept, as I said above. It takes the phrase "pull over" and makes it funny. Could it be expanded in places? Sure. It would make an already well-written article better.
When the policemen throw the narrator's deceased cat at him, that could be expanded and/or put into it's own subsection. It's too much to just sit in one section, but perhaps too small to sit all by itself in a subsection.
The ending should be it's own section. There is an obvious change of theme, from the possibility of the narrator being in a police sting to the point where the narrator recites the Greek alphabet backwards. The two should be in separate sections.
|Prose and formatting:||6||Your grammar and spelling are excellent. The first-person viewpoint of the situation really fits here.
But, you've overused the quote template. That's not to say that the quotes don't belong, they simply don't need a fancy template. Simple quotations will do (you know, just using "quotations")- the template that you currently have detracts from the overall look and feel of the article- it makes it look disjointed and disheveled.
|Images:||7||The images you've included in the article are all well selected and fit the article. Except for the flamingo- perhaps a drunken man trying to do walk a straight line instead of a flamingo? Perhaps the narrator has a comment to make on said drunk's abilities to fulfill that task?
Also, the first two images could be a bit larger. The picture of the policeman smiling all by his lonesome looks out of place. It should be either right or left-aligned, whichever your prefer. It just looks off without text around it. Other than that, the images are funny and
|Miscellaneous:||7.1||Averaged score of your article, without scientific notation.|
|Final Score:||35.6||It's a good article, but with a bit of sandpaper and lemon scented wood polish, it could become a great article, and possibly a VFH. But first, get it out into the Uncyclopedia namespace! Once it's there, and everything's all well and good, I'd be thrilled to see it on VFH some day! Hope I helped!|
|Reviewer:||Leutnant Herr Thatdamnedfollowspot 03:58 Saturday, September 11, 2010|