Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:YesTimeToEdit/French wimple stitchers announce strike
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Review, anyone, please? Be gentle, I haven't written in over a year, I'm rusty. Does this have any merit at all? - [21:56 3 August 2010]
PEE REVIEW IN PROGRESS
of giving you his opinion and pretending you care.
I'm finally going to do this now. Sorry for the wait!17:17, August 23, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||Hey Yettie! Sorry about my very, very late Pee Review - I was pull-your-hair-out busy for a while, and then I was in an alcoholic stupor for a while, and now I am mildly hung over and ready to get down to brass tacts.
So... this is a tricky one. The overarching "concept" joke of this UnNews is that it exists in a world where wimples are actually important, and where there are wimple unions and wimple analysts. And I guess we can add to that the joke that wimple is a funny word.
I have some concerns about that concept, because I feel like, honestly, it's not the funniest idea ever. The execution would have to be mind-blowing for that to make me laugh. Your execution here is merely good. So, I'm going to give you the bottom line right here up top: I have serious doubs that this is worth any further work. You've written a perfectly good UnNews that's going to join the mass of perfectly good articles that don't make feature; time to give yourself a pat on the back and move on.
But, in case you really want to pursue this one, and for the sake of future articles, here's my blow-by-blow:
|Concept:||5||Like I said, and I know this isn't the most helpful advice, but I don't know far an article about a wimple stitching strike can possibly take you.
Ways to tweak the concept? Well, one possibility is that instead of setting it in a universe where wimples are important, you could make it clear that wimples aren't important and that this strike is the ultimate tempest in a teapot - a group of maybe three stuffy French guys in a conflict with one or two convents. That would give you the added benefit of poking fun at your characters' cluelessness and self-importance in a world where virtually no one cares about them. I think that concept might make for a funnier article - but, honestly? Still not a very funny article. I'm racking my brain, but I can't see any way anyone's ever going to get a feature out of wimples. They're just not topical enough. But, hey, let's hope somebody takes that as a challenge.
|Prose and formatting:||8||For the most part, the prose is fine. In the first sentence, I'd remove the comma after the word "first." Remove or substitute the few red links scattered around. I think three pictures is too many for an article this length, and I'd probably lose the sexy nun; even though she's nice to look at, she's (very admittedly) not related to the article in any way. Also, the "armed nuns" picture hangs off the bottom at my resolution, suggesting you might do well to put in a "Sources" section, even if your source is fake.|
|Images:||6||I think they're all right. The silly nun popping into the frame is silly enough to smile at but not silly enough to ruin the article. The armed nuns fit with your "badass nun" joke, so they're good. The sexy nun, like I said, is nice to look at but ultimately a pointless distraction that doesn't really enhance the article, and I'd lose her.|
|Final Score:||31||It's good to have you back!! I'm going to look at this article as sort of you "cracking your knuckles" in preparation for your glorious return. It's a perfectly decent UnNews, but I wouldn't spend any more time on it. Better to start something fresh, I think. Good luck!|
|Reviewer:||17:52, August 23, 2010 (UTC)|