Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:YesTimeToEdit/A Day In The Life of A Redirect
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Well Orian's promised to do this review for me, which I'm grateful for - cause this is a very long article. Personally I think it's quite messy at the moment and maybe lacking in the images department. However I quite like the idea - so I'm looking for quite a detailed review to clean this one up. Thanks in advance! -[17:14 5 July]
- Check your last review...what? - [08:07 7 July]
|Humour:||8||I actually laughed pretty hard throughout this article. One of the funniest things I’ve read in a while. Honestly.
Length actually isn’t a huge problem here as it’s broken down into nice bit-size chunks of funny that will keep your reader, er, reading. I would suggest maybe taking out "1710 HRS " as that section smells a bit like overkill.
And this little simile: " The rest of the wiki is as busy as a bunch of wasps, prostitutes and badgers in a confined and insulated space. " I’m not too sure about. I think it was a little too random, maybe try something like: “busy as a bag of cats, shagging”. Or not.
Just thought I’d point out a few of your best sections seen as how I’m here:
the introduction and 0604 hrs were both good, nicely working in the unusual concept and setting up the rest of the article nicely.
0730 was also a good section,  this was the kind of thing I was trying to do with Steven, having him go off in slightly disjointed tangents, picking at small things that don’t really matter and making a thing of them. However I thought you did this better than I did.
1234 hrs This was one of the best sections! Funny because the redirect is depressed and it’s description of rape was nicely placed. And also the whole gay bit too, I liked.
1600 hrs Again was just hilarious! Nice desperately angst tone for the redirect.
1703 hrs was just one line but that was necessary to get the joke across properly.
2109 hrs Nicely done again, good way of drawing the article towards its conclusion. 
And then you capped it with a nice conclusion. Everything else that I didn’t mention was all good too  I just didn’t want to waste huge amounts of space saying it and thought id give you my highlights.
|Concept:||8||I actually was sceptical reading by title alone but after reading it through I see what you did. You had this depressed soliloquy of quite possibly the most boring and insignificant thing ever, and it worked brilliantly.
One concern I have and I suppose it’s fairly minor is that should I noob happen across this s/he may not “get it” due to the fact that redirects are designed to go unnoticed and your liberal use of other site-related stuff like VFH and things. Probably doesn’t matter too much there is plenty of other stuff in there that’s funny anyway.
Tell me are you going to make this an UnBook? As it will fit nicely on the UnJournal shelf I have.
|Prose and formatting:||8||Again pretty much impeccable. I noticed in one of the image captions you had "I'm lead such a god damned rock 'n' roll punk-lifestyle - rock on baby " when really it only needs to be “I”. and here: "a mid-crisis " you must mean a mid-life-crisis, surely. And in the 1532 hrs section you had “whu” instead of who. Just small things that even I noticed. You may want to get it proofed.
The actually writing was brilliantly done! Kudos and such.
|Images:||7||considering the topic you did very well to get so many! I think it might be shy of one or two but personally I’m happy with it as it is.
Just take a closer look at them:
The first one I think you should crop so that it only has the important bit there. As it is there is a whole lot of nothing on 90% of it. It also has your name in it which I’m going to call vanity out of shear pedantic-ness.
The second one  Actually wasn’t too bad, bit of a non-sequiter, but was a clever way of getting a picture in the article.
The third one I didn’t get. I guess the caption is Parsi being ironic, but I still don’t get the picture. Who is it of?
The fourth one Seemed a little out of place. And I do mean just a little, move it up one section so it’s by the text that it relates too. By it’s self it’s almost hilarious simply because of that  house sized supercomputer he’s holding.
The fifth one  is OK I guess. The thing is the person in it (what’s her name? Kat or something.) is displaying the emotion “Impossibly, Childishly Exited.” As apposed to shocked or disgusted. I’m guessing that’s what you were aiming for 
The sixth one is probably the least funny, simply because it’s Paris Hilton and she’s a tired joke, but I’ll let it slide as she is related to this article.
Yeah as for other image suggestions, I’m sorry but I’m a little stuck. Maybe throw out some totally random non-sequitor for the “gay porn talk page pic”
|Miscellaneous:||7.75||As always averaged. Also, you know what a hilarious non-sequitor would be? Linking "a good night's sleep " to Insomnia.|
|Final Score:||38.75||Not actually the recurrence of the Melty Blood nightmare it may superficially look like, primarily because this was fun to read and thoroughly enjoyable for the whole family. As always if you wanna thank/ask/insult me about anything please visit my talk page.
|Reviewer:||MuCal. BFF Sir 16:41 7 July 2008|