Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:That Guy Huffed Me/:UnBooks: The Grim Repairman

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edit User:That Guy Huffed Me/:UnBooks: The Grim Repairman

It's hardly finshed, but it's stil quite long, any feedback?--SIR T H A T G U Y H U F F E D M E Snowman throw a snowball Snowman 02:38, 13 July 2007 (UTC)

It is off to a good start, though I couldn't guess what book it is you are parodying (my knowledge of Eng. Lit. is not extensive). If you really plan on seeing this through I'd advise you to look up some websites about writing a novel.

I'm not claiming that I am able to write well, but it seems to me you could spruce up things a bit, make the dialoges a bit more lively (use exclamation marks! But sparingly! And never two in a row!!!).

You might want to reveal a bit more of the background of you characters:

  • What was the main recurring theme of the "awkward fights" the Waters had had?
  • Do they have any children?
  • What is their professional background?
  • How did they end up in that small street?
  • Do they share a passion?
  • Dark secrets?
  • Interesting secrets?
  • Dirty little secrets ?

In my opinion, a novel should somehow conjure up an atmosphere, a sense of foreboding, especially when it is about the Apocalypse (that much I understood).

Your characters should act from an inner motivation, and interact with each other in a more or less plausible if not natural way.

The images on the other hand are well-chosen. Beautiful black and white. You might want to experiment with their placing, as the text grows. And make sure that the images are there to support the text, so they should be relevant to the events regaled and their subscripts should provide a link to the story.

Well, this advice is all a bit vague, I realize that, so feel free to ignore it as you see fit. Cheerio from the Dutchlands, -- di Mario 15:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 2 Predicatble.
Concept: 1 Seen it.
Prose and formatting: 2 Meh.
Images: 4 Fits the story.
Miscellaneous: 1 Seems generic.
Final Score: 10 Scrap and Rewrite it.
Reviewer: NXWave

This is my honest opinion, I have been on many story sites and to tell you the truth, Many of the stories aren't any good, and the current state the story is in, It's just best that you rewrite it all. --NXWave 12:47, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

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