Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Tagstit/Howto:Fix the Economy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This is a collaboration of me and Snake7, mostly Snake7. But I want a little input that might boost this over the edge. Any suggestions would help! -- 16:05, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
- I got this, son. I got this. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:13, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks pa, try not to beat me too hard. This isn't completely mine. 05:52, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
Pee Review In Progress
Checkit bitches, this review is as good as peed on. I'm marking my effing territory. Said article is being reviewed by:
|Humour:||7||This article is moderately funny, in that it elicits a few laughs here and there. Introduction is good, it sets up your scenario rather bluntly and tells me, the reader, what it is exactly that you are making fun of. The whole Obama hype needs to be controlled and you're attempting to do just that in this article. A noble undertaking, let's see how that works out for you.
The first section has a good couple of gems that are, as before, rather blunt. When dealing with an issue like this, being blunt is a good thing. Kinda. Let's see, "...Like the Lemon Brothers and Ben and Jerries." was good, so was "I think Bush was bad to not stop it." Those silly high school kids and their underdeveloped political beliefs. Is there anything they wont say? You develop your character in this section as well, being very stupid and being told that by her parents. Our little stripper is sure on her way to a successful career.
On to the next section. Very stupid solution, which is the point. However, it could have been funnier or more extravagant. Perhaps something along the lines of "give all of our money to Obama and let him decide what to buy for us." The solution you pick isn't necessarily important here. HowTo: articles should rarely offer any real advice. "Oh yeah, one time I turned on the T.V. and the remote ran out of batteries. I couldn't watch American Idol. It was stuck on the news." Good. Keep reminding us about what kind of character this is. She's stereotypical, stupid, and ADD.
The last two sections are kind of in the same category. You've already addressed your "solution" and now it's time to go overboard with your character. Good job here. However, all of these small minded answers to America's big questions are sort of out of sync with the mindset of the blind Obama follower. While this could show hypocrisy in your character, it could also confuse the reader. Odds are, no one will care. Just wanted to point that out.
|Concept:||7||Your concept is a little above average. I love first person articles, and you did a good job here of keeping it balanced between just being a snotty little 15 year old girl and being an article about the economy. I think this was one of the better ways of accomplishing this article's goal, which was to fix the economy. I don't think I could come up with a better idea, so I'm not going to offer any. Making significant changes to this article is out of the question, it's generally pretty good. You just have some minor changes to make, but overall I think it's good.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||Prose is probably what I'm hardest on, seconded by concept. You're doing well so far when it comes to just remembering that you are in character as well as reminding the reader that you are in character. However, I think that you could do much better with your tone, and making this very convincing. You break up some sentences and I see some (hopefully) intentional fragments, but you could make some of this more valley girl. Also, perhaps you could make the font pink or green or yellow or something obnoxious like those Myspace whores do. But that's up to you. I don't think not changing the color would hurt you at all, that is. Just an idea.|
|Images:||6||Fuck, I hate reviewing images. Your images don't jump out at me, but the second one (Obama) was probably the best. The third one doesn't really fit, perhaps you need a picture of a Muslim at prayer with the caption "Silly Muslims, heaven's for Christians! At least, that's what my pastor said once in a sermon." or something like that. I dunno, just an idea. But I think if you tried to make this look more like a Myspace profile, like adding those moronic icons, only with appropriate captions and shit, you would achieve the effect you're looking for. Once again, just an idea.|
|Final Score:||32.5||This is one of those articles that isn't just laugh-out-loud funny, and it's not exactly brilliant, but you did everything right. I would say that there is a line on the scale of comedy quality that separates shit from gold, and yours sits right above the line to say that you follow all of the rules but don't have gold. It's funny, is what I'll say. But it's giggles at best. My advice isn't great, I know, I'm more just telling you what I see. But I wish you luck, whether you decide to go VFH with this or not. I really can't say that this will do well or poorly on VFH, because it could go either way. I like it, though, if that's anything. =]|
|Reviewer:||—Sir SysRq (talk) 22:14, 31 January 2009 (UTC)|