Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Staircase/Milky Way

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edit Milky Way

I know this article isn't that good, so I need some in-depth advice on how to make this better. Staircase CUNt 23:40, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

Hey do you want me to take a stab at this?    Tagstit    talk    contribs    awards   06:37, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
I was writing review, but something happen. It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you.
What exactly happened?    Tagstit    talk    contribs    awards   07:00, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
Hey, anyone can take it. It doesn't matter to me. Staircase CUNt 15:42, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
There is a button on the mouse, that take you to previous page, and I accidentally press. Shame, I was almost done. I get very angry. It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you.
Go ahead, Tags. It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you.
I have just made an amazing discovery. Was reading your article (which is pretty good, by the way), and noticed that the Milky Way in your pictures is different to the Milky Way I know. Was reading about flavor, and saw the ingredients (caramel?) were quite different too. Have now found out that what is called the Milky Way in the USA, is called the Mars Bar everywhere else in the world. And our Milky Way, is called the 3 Musketeers over with you. So there we are. USA just trying to be difficult! Lol. Nameable ((mumble)) 18:27, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
Ya, typical USA right there, making everything different from the rest of the world. I wish we used the metric system here, it's so much easier. Well if you're reading it, mind giving me a review? THis thing has been sitting here for days and I was waiting on this review for me to make changes to my article. Staircase CUNt 18:37, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
Sure. But be warned, this is only my second review. So it won't be great.Nameable ((mumble)) 20:52, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
It's ok! Just try to hand out good advice. And a lot of it, too. Staircase CUNt 20:48, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 6 So. I thought this was quite a funny article. The Snickers/Milky Bar feud and how it was always the best was quite clever. I particularly liked the customer satisfaction paragraph, and some of the everyday uses. I'll go through it section by section.
  • Introduction-Good. It set the scene. There were no strong laughs in there, but it didn't matter. It's only an introduction.
  • The flavor section-Decent. The US Constitution bit could have been funnier. Here's my suggestion: "And the states shall not perish, for they have Milky Way: the better candy bar. Only 79 cents at your local trade market! And the government most certainly did NOT accept any donations from a certain candy manufacturer to make this amendment to the constitution." Or maybe that's a bit lame. But anyway, I also didn't particularly find thestrikey thing that funny. Maybe that could go. But the rest of it was polished and also funny! So well done.
  • Customer Satisfaction-Great. Though short, I really liked this section. Nothing wrong here in my opinion.
  • Nutritional Value-Fair. The only minor problem with this section was that it was more of the same. Perhaps something unexpected could just add another laugh, but, er, I don't know how. Sorry.
  • Everyday Uses-Generally Good. I liked the Comb section (though a demonstration picture would be nice) and really liked the Galaxy and Remote Control ones. The Pipe Cleaner and Plunger were less funny - perhaps merging the two sections would be an idea, to make one funnier section. And the Litter Box Cleaner just confused me to be honest...
  • In Conclusion-Fine. Very short, but I think you'd said all you needed to say. I liked the piranhas, even if it was a bit bizarre. It maybe could have ended with the words "Yours revengefully, Robert Jones, Ex-Snickers employee" or another idea "Mr. Robert Jones, Head of Advertising, Milky Way Inc." I don't know why I thought it needed that at the end, it just looked a bit limp.
Concept: 7 I can see nothing wrong with the concept, in fact its pretty good. You take a chocolate bar, create an article about how it is the best and completely wipes the floor with it's rivals, and it's also flows nicely. I like it. =)
Prose and formatting: 7 Well, there's nothing wrong here. You even got the quote in nicely, and bold fonts and everything. So yay!
Images: 6 You have three decent images here, which pleases me. The first one also had a pretty funny caption, however looked a bit like several images had been chopped together, and maybe needed a background. Apart from that, the only helpful suggestion I can think of here is maybe another picture (someone combing their hair with a Milky Way perhaps?) It's quite a long article, so you might want to do that.
Miscellaneous: 6.5 Mumble gumble miscellaneous rumble.
Final Score: 32.5 I would like to see what you do with this. I hope some of this advice has been of some help. I did try and be as in depth as I could. Still, good article, well done!
Reviewer: Nameable ((mumble)) 21:44, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
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