Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Sonic80/Ghetto White Boy Syndrome

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edit Ghetto White Boy Syndrome

I have finally finished this (maybe). I want to know how it is as well as If I should put one more section at the end or just leave it the way it is. Icons-flag-pi Pirate Lord__Sonic80 (Yell  •  Latest literary excretion) __ 20:34, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

I'll save the shiny form and scoring to someone with far more experience. My thoughts: You've started out with a mental disease that appears genetic (by birth), then it becomes an infection. The origin and cause is too muddled and needs work to warrant keeping it. If you want to use Ghettormones, you'd better come up with a better causal pathology. After that, it kind of gets disturbing for me. The "real ghetto people" stuff and the "With very few women infected with Ghetto White Boy Syndrome, the infected children will turn to real ghetto women to sooth their lewd urges." just comes off a little too KKK. I think you need to stick with "goofy ass white kids running around thinking they're black" and purge the entire "disease" angle and "ghetto people" statements. Ghetto means so much more than "black people" and the current appearance of them being synonymous is unfunny offensive. Making fun of white kids "from the hood" is a goldmine of comedy IMO but your disease angle detracts from it and brings up unfunny subjects (which is OK) in an unfunny manner.-- DRStrangesig5   Sherman   Fingertalk   13:56, 24 December 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for your input, however I would like to say that, though I said they are born with it, I never said it was Hereditary. As for the Disease angle, that was what I was aiming for the whole way through, and when I planned it out. Icons-flag-pi Pirate Lord__Sonic80 (Yell  •  Latest literary excretion) __ 17:39, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
There needs to be a hilarious way in which these high-fiving white kids turn into wannabee gangbanger/rappers. Even creating the "negro gene"(funny) or "negro gland"(funny) would be better than a "negro disease"(too racist). Would this story be funny if it were about black people acting like whitey due to a white virus that causes black girls to act like sluts because we all know how depraved white people are? Think about it.-- DRStrangesig5   Sherman   Fingertalk   18:26, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
This doesn't seem to be racist to me. Then again, I'm a racist white redneck from a border state. You really can't deal with posers without mentioning da hood in some way. And, I don't support going out of your way to defend certain folk from all offensiveness, while not extending that courtesy to all groups. For example, we make fun of Limey bastards, Fat Americans (particularly racist uncultured rednecks like myself), Slavic people, covetous Jews, Asians, Germans (accusing all Germans of being Nazis) et cetera. The article is even implying that no white person can be ghetto without being a poser. P.S. I'm not going to review this until I get someone else's opinion on how racist it is.--Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 23:34, 26 December 2008 (UTC)
The white kids who dress and talk like wannabee rappers are incorporating/imitating elements of culture that are exclusively black/afro-american. IMO, Race humor is fine, incorporating ghetto and residents thereof is fine, I just feel the way it's being done here reminds me too much of Klan literature. Klan ideology states that "Black culture is a disease which infects our white culture and causes our children to be unruly and promiscuous". That's Klan 101 and that's exactly the basis of this article......not funny. The continual contradictions about the disease pathology don't help either.-- DRStrangesig5   Sherman   Fingertalk   00:04, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
Crunk1

Captain crunk for reference purposes

I wouldn't say ghetto culture is exclusively African-American. Would you go so far as to say that no true ghetto white person? For example, is Eminem a poser? There have been some white people who have historically been fairly ghetto, for example, Italians, Irish, and Gypsies. Also, I believe there are some pockets of rather ghetto hispanics, who are fairly close to ghetto African Americans in culture. Actually, your theory that every ghetto person is black is racist. Your assuming that every Italian gangster (for exmample) acts, at worst, like an ill-tempered lower-middle class person, while a black ganster acts like captain Crunk. Anyway, maybe if he referenced some white people who were truly ghetto, it might come off as less racist.--Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 00:27, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
I said:"Ghetto means so much more than "black people" and the current appearance of them being synonymous is unfunny offensive." Saying that kids with GWBS are imitating an aspect of black youth culture (the gangster hip-hop dress and language code) is a fact, not a statement on ghetto dynamics. What you're saying here makes a great case for why the article, not my statements, are flawed in concept. Dressing "hip-hop" is not dressing ghetto, it's using cultural elements that are clearly Afro-American in origin. Show me a 30 year old photo with a Hispanic, Italian, Irishman or Gypsy with dangling pants, gold chains, sideways hat, etc etc etc and I'll change my perspective.-- DRStrangesig5   Sherman   Fingertalk   01:19, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
You wouldn't see fully gansta blacks 30 years ago either, the style didn't exist then. And, not all hip-hop people are black or posers. Some of the hispanic gangs are fairly close to your stereotypical African-American gangs. example Granted, there is some difference, but it looks the same to a layman. Also, the Chavs of Britain are quite close to the "wiggers" of America, but they are of more gypsy influence. There are alot of white hip-hop artists, as shown, are you saying they are all posers?--Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 02:25, 27 December 2008

(UTC)

Gwbs-trouble

what kind of attire are these men wearing?

You're straying from the point. Let me spell this out. There are three different concepts here; Ghetto, Black and hip-hop. Look at the picture on the right. Exactly how would you describe the attire of these three gentleman? According to this article, they are dressed "ghetto". WRONG! They are dressed "hip-hop". Hip-hop/rap is a musical (and fashion) style that is African American in origin, I don't care how many non-black people are now hip-hop artists or dress like them, it's irrelevant. Nobody said Eminem isn't allowed to rap or can't do a good job, the fact is that he's playing a style of music originated by black people. It's not a difficult concept to grasp. Afro-American slang, known as Ebonics, is also characterized in this article as being synonymous with "ghetto". Let's review. According to this article:

  • Dressing hip-hop equals "ghetto"
  • Ebonics equals "ghetto"
  • Black equals "ghetto"
  • Ghetto equals immorality, sloth, drugs, etc

Hip-Hop/Rap and Ebonics are cultural aspects of Afro-Americans that have become popular with youths and artists of every color and race. labeling this as "ghetto culture" is incorrect and offensive. There are possibilities to use this offensive dynamic for comedic purposes but the writer of this article is clearly ignorant of the difference between ghetto, black and rap. The result is an offensive article generated by ignorance and not intentional parody. The article mimics the KKK world view of "white culture" being infected/subverted by "black culture" and it's just not funny. You yourself stated that "I wouldn't say ghetto culture is exclusively African-American" but according to the article it is. Any way you look at it, the article's definition of what it means to be "ghetto" is offensive. I don't necessarily think the author is some hardcore racist who's trying to peddle a philosophy, I think he's merely exposed his ignorance of a culture that he clearly doesn't like. The author isn't making comedy here, he clearly has real issues with white kids "from the hood". Hey, I like making fun of the goofy little wannabees myself but this article makes black, ghetto and hip-hop synonymous and then proceeds to equate behaviors like "lewd urges", etc, with this bizarre goulash of concepts.

Quoting the article: Scientists have dubbed this encounter as "scaring the black out of them", or "scaring them white". I'm not imagining things here, the tone of this article and the unfortunate associations it makes creates an unfunny and offensive article. I can understand letting the British enjoy a selection of pages that nobody else finds funny but do we need to cater to skinheads and rednecks too? I consider this discussion over for now but it will resume in VFD if this shit doesn't change. A good start would be changing the title to White Boy Rapper Syndrome and following that concept-- DRStrangesig5   Sherman   Fingertalk   11:48, 27 December 2008 (UTC)

Concept: 7 I have gotten some feed back from other person on the racism issue, so I can now review this article.

On the supposed racism, I think the consensus is that the racism isn't that bad. You might consider toning it down, making sure you don't sacrifice the humor in the process. Although most users don't find offensive some do, and you should try to appeal to as many people as is possible with your article.

Anyway, the concept is strong, and should be easy to write on. Right article, the article still seems a bit short, and some more content would probably help. Fleshing out the existent material would probably help more than adding new sections; at times, it feels like its covering the material rather quickly. (That is common in newer articles.)
Prose and Formatting: 6.5 No major spelling, red links, or grammar issues. However, I would add a see also section, and your article is a bit too section header heavy. See Also sections generally make your article look better and adds some length. Not having a see also section makes your article look like its missing something.
Images: 7 The second image could be improved. It is of a noted GWB, but the image is a bit hard to make out, probably because its zoomed in too far. I'd suggest getting another image of the same person zoomed out a bit more. Or, getting another image of a white hip-hop artist. The other too images are good, and show the subject matter. I would probably keep those unless you happen to come across another image that is better.
Humour: 6.5 The article has fairly funny, but it could use some improvements. In some parts it feels too much like "information dumping". That should go away when you flesh out the existent material. Also, the term "Ghetto White Boy" might need to be changed to "Ghetto White Child" or something if your going to have the disease affect both males and females. (Or have a note somewhere mentioning a less common "Ghetto White Girl" disease.)

As for suggestions for other sections, you could possibly add a history of the disease (basically a history of posers), a life after GWBS section, or other possible cures for the disease.
Improvability Score: 7 This article should be fairly easy to improve. Fortunately, you don't have major formatting or concept problems, so improving this will mainly consist of adding moar content and some cosmetic tweaks. I'd work on expanding what you have already first, then work on more sections.
Final Score: 34 good luck, and you might want to tone down the "racism" some what
Reviewer: --Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 18:17, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
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