This is my first artical, that is why there might be formatting mistakes.
Snake7 03:20, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
I got this one. --Mnbvcxz 04:21, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
The subject matter might be funny. However, your take on the concept could use more work.
First off, you are going over the material way too fast, meaning you don't spend enough time on one subject. Try to write longer paragraphs, or more material on each subject. If you find that you have having a header every paragraph, or a series of one or two sentence paragraphs that your can't combine, your probably writing too fast. Try to add more sentences and paragraphs to the existing material, or at least those parts that you keep.
Try to avoid lists or "list-y" types of articles. Generally, if you find yourself generating lists upon lists, you might be name-dropping (explained later). Also, lists tend to accumulate random items and stuff the reader doesn't want to read.
Also, try to avoid name dropping, or shoe-horning celebrities into articles. That often comes across as cliche or just stupid to the readers. This article does have the potential to accumulate name dropping because of its subject matter. Try to avoid that.
Try to avoid "random" humor. Nonsense and incoherence get old after a while, especially nonsense in the form of text.
Prose and Formatting:
First off, I did spell check, since the Firefox browser was one built in, and reduced you excess white space. I left the headers alone, you have too many headers right now for your amount of text, but that may change if you flesh it out more. I didn't want to remove headers that you would need to re-insert. Your formatting problems included:
Too many headers. As I mentioned this might correct itself. However, you should use some sub-section headers ===header=== in your article.
Too much white space. Generally, you only need one line between items if that. You shouldn't have any horizontal white space, and its ok if a pic goes through the header line of the next header.
<br.No categories. You should add some appropriate categories to your article, and also, you should put a few (don't overdo it) links back to your article in other articles. This is especially for articles that aren't going to be linked to commonly because of long article names.
The first image is a bit random/outlandish. Its not totally off the wall, but it might be a bit strong for a header image. The second one is also funny, but a bit cliche. Try to use new, or at least not commonly used images for your articles.
flickr is a good source for creative commons images. To find images that are not copyrighted, (technically, the are copyrighted, but they are under a creative commons license) check the search creative commons box under the advanced search options, then search for articles as usual. If you can't find a pic under some sort of creative commons or similar license, copyrighted pics are allowed under "fair use" laws.
Basically, the score is what I said for the concept. Concept is a bit higher because this article doesn't live up to its potential.
Generally, this site prefers a more witty, satirical form of humor. Nonsense gets old, and its easier to inject silliness into an article that is too dry than You might want to check out the Beginner's Guide and HTBFANJS (How To Be Funny And Just Stupid) for some advice. You might also want to look at Best of for examples of good articles.
This article is fixable, but it will need a good bit of work. I'd suggest adding more material, and see how that looks. You do have an issue with randomness/outlandishness, but its minor for a new article. I wouldn't recommend restarting this article from scratch, (unless you have alot of ideas floating around in head right now) you'll probably have to right a few a mediocre articles before you can write a good one.