I recently made some improvements to this.--Snake7 20:35, 17 January 2009 (UTC)Snake7
Snake7 20:35, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
Tagstit has sent out a colorful flashing box to distract you while he pees all over your article.
He apologizes in advance for any seizures you may or may not have experienced. If there is no review in twenty-four hours, you should remove this template.
Yay! This already looks much better. I am gonna warn you, that you might get frustrated here because I said somethings and you took them just a bit further then I meant them to be taken. First of all I will keep this MUCH briefer. There was only one real big problem I saw in this article. This is still just a jump from one joke to another and in the end, it just isn't funny. Well, it is funny, just not as funny as it could be. You need to build a more solid article. But that is the only problem I really noticed on humour.
Your concept hasn't changed that much. I love the writing style and what your trying to do with it, but the only problem here, is you need more substance. To build a backbone so to speak, like I said in humour. Although this WILL make it longer, your article will be taken much more serious, which sounds bad, but a little serious in every article helps alot.
Prose and formatting:
Well, you fixed alot of misspellings but this is where your article still crumbles. As I said before in humour and concept, you need more material. As for the way it is set up is very good. You DID use more one line paragraphs then you should, and I am sorry that you are probably very frustrated with me, but I meant those to be used sparingly, for transitions.
YAY! Ten just for the Barack Obama picture, everything else is great too though. That one at the bottom is PERFECT for what your article is all about. It shows the ignorance of most teenager girls in a very funny way. Not original, but still fits perfect. The money one is a bit random and should be formatted better, but thats about it!
Alright, I really see some potential here, I have never done this before in Pee but I am offering my help. I will go through and see what I can do to fix it up, giving you the option to cancel it all if you want. If you don't want to do this it is completely fine, I just think collaboration could push this one up there to VFH because different perspectives really helps! If your interested leave me a message on my talk page! Good luck!