Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Simsilikesims/Prevention

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edit User:Simsilikesims/Prevention

-- Simsilikesims(♀GUN) Talk here. 05:00, May 23, 2012 (UTC)

All-righty I believe I'll take a crack at this. -Grammarnazilogo Fe+3 AlFe+2
Humour: 6.4 A good start but definitely room for improvement. Here's my point by point dissection of what's there.
  • '"'Intro=A qick definition, list of what is to be covered, and a statement saying you are about to discuss each of these things is largely insufficient. I would recommend some sort of a better description of prevention preferably with a hint of nonsense thrown in.
  • Body
  • Preventive Medicine=make sure you clarify why the doctor is getting paid by the insurance company to say these things. Also the "conflict of interest" line is a bit vague.
  • Hazard Prevention=I like the idea of the paranoid worrywort...sounds like my mother. I might be inclined to spork some more content from the Witless Protection Program page including a picture or two.
  • Risk Prevention=Great! I might expand upon the unrealistic worst-case-senario idea ending with something totally realistic like the hard drive line.
  • Crime Prevention=Conflicts with itself. First you talk about how to prevent crime in SimCity (sort of) and then you go on to talk about ways to attract crime. This is would be fine except that I don't have a clue as to where you were going with this thought.
  • Pollution Prevention=Great how it is only just off the mark from reality.
  • Preventive Maintenance=Has an informative framework in place to support it but contains virtually no humor...fix that.
  • Goal Prevention=Expand upon the procrastination type of goal prevention.
  • Thinking prevention=Good enough... btw I lost the game you asstard THUNDERCUNT!!1!!one!1!eleven!!1!
  • Conclusion=Optional to add I suppose... just make sure that the last section ends up being really memorable if you don't add one.
Concept: 8 An article on prevention is a good idea (duh) and discussing various forms of prevention is certainly an acceptable direction to take the article.
Prose and formatting: 10 I didn't notice any outstanding grammatical issues. Sentence structures appear to be sound. Nuff said.
Images: 0 The best way to give feedback on images is for there to first be images in place (hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge).
Miscellaneous: 6.1 Average of scores. I also noticed the lack of links to other articles making this one a bit of a dead end...fix that too.
Final Score: 30.5 Great start...I look forward to checking up on this page when it exists in a state of completion.
Reviewer: Grammarnazilogo Fe+3 AlFe+2
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